Saints Of The Mafia

🌹FOURTEEN

No Nothings & Clarity
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Crimson

What would you do if your family was brutally murdered and everything you knew was gone?

I will tell you.

That alone would make you cry so much that your eyes would become so bloodshot and sore, you will not be able to even open them. It would feel like they were fucking glued together.

Now let's top it off with the fact that you will be stepping into a marriage, a bond that can only be rightfully broken by death, and the man you are being forced to marry is indeed the cause of all your suffering.

Depression will hit you so hard after the shock of it all that you are thrown into an emotional tornado. Desperation for peace will be so fucking consuming that a goddamn blade might just be the answer to your pleading prayer.

Well, I am not gonna give up that easily. I have cried enough tears for a lifetime and I'm sure as hell I have no more tears to shed. My grandmother may have been a badass but she never went through what I am going through now.

She had an advantage. Her father was a fucking gang leader and even then she was kidnapped. She was reunited with her family including her father. She fell in love and became queen over many.

That was a long time ago and over years, things change. I was not grown up in the ways of being a badass. I never had to wish for anything my entire life. Things were handed to me on a fucking silver platter.

I am not my grandmother.

In my own way, I can and will be stronger than she ever was. Grandma had people who had her back. She had a family.

Here it is just Kisa, Sychar, Auden and I. They look up to me to protect them, to be there for them. I have no one. So no one will blame me if I have an emotional meltdown.

After all, it's just been two days since it happened. And the only time I got to truly grieve was for a couple of hours at night. Maksim is constantly in my face serving me a reminder of what he did. And today I was marrying him.

I splashed my face with some water, gripping the sink in front of me. The mirror haunted me with my own reflection. I had bags under my eyes and they were puffy.

When I came back home yesterday I cried myself to sleep. But now I had to be strong. Because right now, outside of this bathroom Kisa and Sy were having it with their own emotions.

It is probably after seven by now and the wedding ceremony starts at one. They will be coming for us soon. I washed my face again and looked into the cabinet seeing clear eyes. The drips you take to clear up your eyes.

I placed a drop into each eye then blinked a little, refocusing my eyes. I took the bottle and walked outside with it.

"No more crying. We can't do shit about this, so we just have to accept it." I said to the girls.

"YOU WANT US TO ACCEPT BEING MARRIED AND RAPED FOR SOME FUCKED UP RITUAL?" Kisa yelled at me with tears falling down her face.

"THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE GONNA FUCKING DO, K!!!!!" I screamed at her

"I cannot lose you", I whispered.

Sychar got up from the bed holding Auden. "Okay. We will keep our promise. No tears." She said hugging and kissing Auden.