All I've Ever Dreamed

Chapter 72

A/N: Alright so this big long chapter (you're welcome) should stop your worries about where the plot is going, alright? So take a deep breath, relax, and enjoy :) 

Roman and Dean managed to successfully avoid talking about 'it' for almost a week. In fact, the only evidence it had ever happened at all was the changes in Roman's touch.

Roman had always been a sensual person; he and Dean would often cuddle together on the couch. He'd trace patterns on Dean's hand, or cup his cheek, or play with his hair. Now, though, he'd come up behind Dean while he was cleaning, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist and placing a kiss on his neck. Or he would, while on the couch, reach over and slip his hand into Dean's, lacing their fingers together. And while it made Dean blush, and it was always sweet, as the week progressed Dean became more and more aware of how wrong it felt.

Friday afternoon, when he got home from school, and Roman hugged him and kissed his cheek, Dean finally pulled away.

Roman stared at him, slightly hurt. When Dean was silent, Roman lowered his gaze. "Okay." He said finally, his voice barely audible. "I'll be in the living room. Put your stuff away and meet me there." He turned and walked away.

Already dreading how this conversation was going to go, Dean went to his room, dumping his books and keys on the bed.

He pulled out his phone, staring at the blank screen. True to his word, or lack there of, Seth had not called or texted since Dean's birthday. Dean felt a stab of longing and slight guilt that he immediately pushed away. He didn't owe Seth Rollins anything.

Sighing, he threw his phone on the bed as well and made his way to the living room. Roman was already sitting on the couch; Dean sat beside him.

"I liked it." Roman said, before Dean could speak. "Whatever you say, however this goes, I liked it. And I'm not sorry it happened."

Dean smiled softly. "I liked it too," he began. Roman glanced up, hopeful. "When it happened. Ro, we were all caught up in our feelings, we didn't know what we were doing."

Roman stared at him. "It was rushed, and desperate, and... and it never should have happened."

"Why not?" Roman said. His voice was broken.

Dean ran his fingers through his hair. "Why not? Ro, we're both fresh from relationships, or whatever they were... we've never kissed before last night, and hell, we've never had feelings for each other."

At this, Roman's gaze turned steely. "Really?" He said flatly. "If you honestly believe that, then... then you're an idiot." He got up off the couch.

Dean looked at him in shock. "W-What? Roman, wait!" He jumped up, but Roman had already stormed to his bedroom, slamming the door shut.

Dean rushed after him, knocking on the door. "Ro, open up!" He pleaded.

"Go away, Dean." Roman's voice spoke, muffled.

"Please, just come out and talk to me. I'm sorry, okay?"

There was a short, humorless laugh from his friend. "Can't be sorry if you don't know what you did, Dean."

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. "Tell me, then." He whispered. He stood there for nearly five minutes in silence, listening for any sort of noise behind the door.

Finally, he heard the lock click, and Roman's face appeared in the doorway. "You really don't know?" He asked quietly.

Dean shook his head. Roman sighed, looking down. "Remember, freshman year? I told you... I told you I liked you."

Dean's heart skipped a beat. "Yeah, when we were little, you said. But you said- said you used to. That... you didn't anymore."

Roman rubbed the back of his neck. "I lied." He admitted.

"Ro-"

"I saw the way you looked at Seth, Dean. I knew I didn't have a chance. I needed to tell you how I felt, but I couldn't tell you I still felt that way. You just would've felt sorry for me."

"You don't know that."

"Really? Cause that's exactly what you're doing right now."

Dean froze. It was. When Roman had admitted to his feelings the first time, they'd smiled about it and laughed it off and talked about Roman's crush on Randy afterwards. This time, though, knowing it was still happening? Dean pitied Roman. And he hated himself for it.

"I'm sorry." The words sounded empty, even to Dean.

"You didn't know, Dean. You couldn't have. But I still don't regret what happened that night, okay?"

"Neither do I, Ro." Dean murmured.

Roman reaches out and took Dean's hand gently. "I love you, Dean. No matter what happens, I'll always love you."

Dean hugged him tightly, burying his head in Roman's chest and breathing deeply. No, he'd never love Roman in the same way, but that was okay. They both knew that. And no matter who came between them, whether it was Dean's father, or Randy, or Seth, they'd never drive them apart. They had something special, something more than frivolous relationships that could or couldn't work out.

He felt Roman's hands in his hair and closed his eyes, hugging him tighter. The one person he knew would always be around. The one person he could always trust. And he never wanted to let him go.