The Ones That Are Broken // Willne

67| I'm Sorry George

A/N

Please be aware there are some minor mentions of suicide in this chapter, however they may be a bit much for certain viewers. Please stay safe, and talk to someone if you are having a hard time. You are always loved and no one would be better off without you in their life. I know I say it a lot, but I feel nowadays it's not said enough. There IS someone there for you❤️

Suggested Song: Tumbledown by Hayley Ross

Carmen's POV

I unlock the front door and immediately drop my bag on the floor and head to my room. I felt sick. But not ill. The house seemed empty. Good. No one was around to witness my break down.

I collapse on my bed and roll onto my side as I stated out the window. My head was in a bad place. It was half way between peace and a distraught urge to hurl myself through the window. I try to sit up but feel a empty urge pull me back down again.

Heaven had fallen. And I couldn't help but feel like I had fallen with it.

I slithered off my messy bed and walked out of my bedroom. I hadn't heard anyone around the house. It was only my silent footsteps that filled the lonely feel of the apartment.

I walked into the bathroom and slowly shut the door. I turned the light on and immediately stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes traced over each visible part of myself. I pull my hair out of the bun I had put it in before and dropped the hair tie on the counter. I slipped my shoes off, all while not breaking eye contact with myself, and I put them down beside the bathtub.

My eyes walked around the bathroom for a while before I spot something lying on the bench.

It looked like a unopened packet of blades for one of the boys razors. I watched it, hoping it would somehow move itself out of sight. I should not have to subject myself to old habits. But that sort of thing was like drugs. For a while we can feel happy without the scars. And for a while, it feels like we can put that all in the past. But seeing an opportunity so perfect seemed like the universe torturing us with old, dangerous addictions.

And that was how I felt in that moment.

But my mind wasn't in the right place, so the idea of peace for a while seemed reasonable and okay. But I didn't even consider the fact that I could dig up these old habits. Something that was not a great idea.

I held the blade in between my finger tips and sat at the edge of the bathtub. I looked at the veins down my arms. My old scars you could barely see now. Some would call that lucky, but I would think of it to be a reminder that it's ok to feel pain sometimes. But hurting yourself, was not a way to feel.

I held the blade close to my arm, but I just stared at it as I struggled to make contact.

I felt bad for my sorrows. Like I wasn't really punishing myself, but more my friends for something that wasn't my fault. I sighed and my hand with the blade feel by my side as I slouched down into myself. I heard a small noise outside the bathroom, but ignored it. My tired state made it too hard to think about anything else.

Suddenly, the sound of the bathroom door opening loudly made me jump and look up in surprise. It was George, and he looked just as surprised as I was. He cheeks went red and he quietly giggled nervously.

"S-sorry, Carmen... I didn't know you were in he-" He stopped and looked down at my hand

Suddenly, the expression on his face went from a bit embarrassed to horrified. I nervously eyed him as he froze and stood in the doorway.

"Y-your... H-hand" He chokes out and I glance down at my hand.

A small puddle of blood had formed and on the floor under my arm, that was dripping from my hand in thick drops from an open wound that I hadn't noticed. I guess while I was thinking I had clenched my hands whilst forgetting about the blade in my hand.