The Ones That Are Broken // Willne

79| The Journal

Suggested Song: I Found by Amber Run

Carmen's POV

I trace the direction my feet take as I walk down the familiar white hallway. The temperature was a sickly warm. The sort of warm, that with the wrong clothes, would leave you feeling sweaty for the rest of the day. My eyes scan the lines and patterns of the tiles that guided me to Mum's room.

In my head I through scenarios back and forth about the conversation I was about to relay to my fragile Mum.

As I reach the slightly open, light brown door near the end of the hall, I place my hand gently on it and admire the light dents and marks, thinking about each story they told. With not much force, I ease the door open to reveal Mum on the other side.  Her smile immediately lightens up as I step in.

"Char!... I didn't think you'd be back so soon" She innocently giggles

I flash a quick smile and try to keep myself together as I nervously clench my arm, moving closer to the side of her bed. She notices my behavior and reaches her hand out weakly.

"Char... Is everything alright?" She speaks

I nod, feeling the tears dwelling at the bottom of my eyes, but there was not much getting passed her.

I collapse in the chair beside her and place my face in my hands in an attempt to swiftly get rid of my emotions, but in an opposite affect, I began to sob. I feel Mum's tired hands touch my wrist as the warm tears guide themselves down my cheeks. I didn't want to be here anymore. And in my attempt to not be, I had lost all my friends.

****

"

Are you ready to tell me what's going on yet?" I hear Mum's voice pierce through the silence as I feel her brush a strand of hair out of my face.

I still sat on the chair like before, however, I now rested my head on Mums lap as she gently brushed her hands through my hair. I didn't want to respond to her request, but I knew that I had to.

"I-I think so..." I say as I sit up and look at her "But you have to promise not to get mad... And to just... Listen" I say and Mum gives a gentle nod in understanding

I sigh out and look down at my shaking hands. Mum notices and grabs one and gently holds it in hers. I just give a sad smile and a quick glance.

"So... A couple of weeks ago, I became really... Really sad... And I decided that I... Didn't want to be here anymore... One of my friends caught me in the bathroom and-... And I guess I really hurt him because of it... And last night he... He got really drunk and texted Will and... And told him about it all... Now Will-... Hates me... And I just want it all to end... I just don't know what to do" I say, thick tears blurring my vision

Mum just looks up at me in shock. I felt like I could hear her thoughts. I could feel burning in my throat as I tried to speak my apologies, but I just choked and stayed silent.

"I-... I don't know what to... Say, Carmen" She finally replies and I sit silently, trying to hold my heart together

"Mum I'm... So sorry. I never meant to-"

"It's ok... I always thought you might feel the pain your Father did..."

I looked down and thought. I knew she was right. I didn't want her to be, but I knew she was.

"What do I do, Mum?... Will hates me" I ask and she looks down for a minute in thought "I don't think it's possible for that boy to hate you, Char" She says with a gentle smile