Alpha Without a Pack...

Chapter 98

 *Two in two days and this one is a bit bitter sweet for me, hope you enjoy*     

                                             Beckett

A few days had passed since the she wolves had all been introduced to each other and things seemed to still be going well with them after Sid's little display of power. We had all been shocked and relieved to see she'd kept her word not to shift until she regained her memory, and with that reassurance the three rescued females had been visiting regularly. With them around my wolf was on edge still but the urge to be closer with Sidney was only growing stronger. I couldn't help wincing over how I'd nearly professed my undying love and loyalty to her a few nights ago when I had seen the heat in her eyes reflecting my own, but Simon had rushed her away.

 We were all going a bit crazier by the day, every moment more that Sidney didn't remember was the worst form of torture. The Alvalrado pack would be leaving sometime in the next week or so since Sid wasn't having horrible migraines anymore, clueing us in on the fact she was close to fully healed, just not regaining her memories. Kasen believed that once she could remember whatever weapon it was that she had killed Ian with then the rest of her memories would follow shortly after, it was fairly obvious she was annoyed with our questions of what weapon was it. 

                                         Sidney

I was losing my mind, or what little I had left of it anyway. Ever since the night of meeting the three rescued females and the flood of emotions brought on by Beck I'd been far more tuned to every single one of the boys. I was catching their glances and stares my way now more than ever and each time it stirred up the flood of feeling again. I was internally blaming Mads for pressing the subject matter of my feelings for them but whatever the reason I couldn't just easily tamp down those rising emotions like I had always done before. I had to wrestle those dangerous feelings down, beat them back with all my strength and still they came back just as strong with the next flood of feelings.

 Sure I knew of the boys feelings for me, their wishes for a relationship with me to work, and Madison was right, I did love them, but how was I supposed to admit that and put them in more danger. Already my presence meant more work and danger for them like the Alvalrado boys had with Mads, with a she wolf around there would always be challengers that wanted to steal her away. With each new challenger I knew the risks of the boys losing their lives fighting for me, and that was an outcome I would not and could not allow. The old me would have left running a long time ago if it meant keeping them safe but now... I knew there was no way I could leave them so why did I continue to deny my feelings? 

 The simple truth was that I was terrified, I couldn't lose any of them but I also was afraid for how such a relationship would work. I had listened to how Mads had explained her way of it and it did make some sense but actually doubling those times and putting plans into action left me with a whole lot of uncertainties. I was losing myself to those thoughts and feelings when my three house guests jogged up on the porch where Mads and I had been sitting comfortable, playing cards on the table the guys dragged out for us. Ruby went straight to playing with the twins and the two older females pulled up a seat to watch. "What are you playing?" Rose voiced on a hum. "Rummy 500." I sighed out softly, doing my very best to ignore the still very annoying female wolf.