Hollands & Haz Imagines

It's Quiet Uptown (II) - H. Holland

"𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐮𝐭, 𝐈 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭"

Harry didn't know what to feel anymore. He was so empty ever since he found out you died. Your death tore him apart. It felt like he was knocked out and is now having a bad dream. 

He cried for the first few weeks. All he did was cry. He couldn't believe that you were gone. You dated for five years and Harry was so sure that he'd have a future with you. Now that you're gone, he couldn't imagine his future without you but he knew that he eventually should.

You were his everything. He absolutely loved you. He fell so hard for you and when he got to know you better, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you. He told his mom all about you and she knew from the way her son talked about you, she knew you were the one for her precious boy.

He never expected you to die so soon, so young. He knew about your dreams and he wanted to see you achieve them, because he knew you'd do great. It makes him depressed to know that you wouldn't achieve them anymore. 

21 was too young, after all.

"Mate, you need to get out of your room at some point." Tom told him one day as he entered the room with some food cooked by Sam. Harry looked at his older brother, tears threatening to spill. Tom gave him a sad smile, "She's okay now. You should be happy for her."

"I was a shit boyfriend, Tom." Harry cried as angry tears streamed down his face. Tom frowned at his brother. He sat next to him and didn't hesitate to pull him into a warm embrace that he knew his brother needed. "No, you weren't-" Tom tried to speak, but Harry immediately cut him off.

"Don't give me that bullshit, Tom." Harry pushed Tom away as he stood up from his bed and faced Tom. "I should've known she was going through shit I'm her boyfriend, goddammit!"

"Harry, you didn't know she was going through all that. You're not a mind reader. Y/N wouldn't want you to blame yourself. If she were here, she'd say it wasn't your fault. Why is it so hard for you to accept that?" Tom asked. He started crying too. As the eldest Holland, it was hard for him to see his younger siblings having a hard time.

"You don't fucking get it, Tom! I should've known, because I'm her fucking boyfriend! I should've seen the signs, because if I did, she'd still be here. She wouldn't kill herself." Harry sobbed.

It has now been months and Harry is all cried out. He hasn't been to the cemetery since your funeral, because he couldn't handle being there.

Your parents constantly checked up on Harry. They loved him for you and they treated him like their own. Harry constantly checks up on them too. It must be hard losing a child. You were the youngest of your family.

"The most painful thing to happen to parents is when they bury their child." your mom told Harry when he came to visit one day.

"I hope it doesn't happen to anyone." your mom continued.

"Where are you going, Harry?" Paddy asks in shock as he sees his older brother dressed decently and finally getting out of his room.

"Cemetery." he replies. Paddy nods understandingly, "Take care. Say 'hi' to her for me, will ya? I miss her."

Harry gives him a tight-lipped smile, "Okay. I'm sure she misses you too." With that, Harry leaves and goes to the cemetery not before buying a bouquet of flowers to put on your grave.

Harry takes a deep breath as he sits down in front of your grave. He puts the bouquet down after wiping away some dirt on your grave. "Hi Y/N. I miss you. Paddy says hello and that he misses you too."

"I know I haven't been here since your funeral, but I have a good reason for it. I haven't been here, because if I did then it'd be real. I didn't want it to be real. I wanted it to be a bad dream and I wanted to wake up with you in my arms." Harry says.

"But we don't always get what we want, now do we?" he bitterly chuckles. "You left me so early. I think it's unfair that you're already up there without me."

"But then I realized that I have to move on eventually. So, I'm here to let you know that I love you and I miss you and I'm going to try photography again. I just hope I'm not rusty. It's been months."

"I know you would want me to move on and find someone new and maybe I will; maybe I won't. But if I do find someone, just know that you'll always be my number one girl and no one else, okay? Okay."

Harry stands up and brushes the dirt off his pants before looking down on your grave again, "Before I leave, could you please give me a sign that you're here? So that I know you're there wherever I go. Give me a sign that you heard everything I said. Give me a sign that you still love me, please?" 

Suddenly, a small gust of wind blows in Harry's direction. He closes his eyes and inhales deeply. He opens his eyes in surprise when he smelled your scent. He figured, it came along with the wind.

"This is a great sign. I expect it often now, Y/N." Harry half jokes. "I have to go now. I love you."

He crouches down and puts a kiss on his fingers before putting it on your grave. He smiles, "See you soon."

He stands up and looks at your grave one last time before leaving.

* * * *

im not crying, you are.