She didn't know

3

Ally

Scrolling through Facebook on my phone in bed, I procrastinate, getting ready for the day. Getting lost in thought, I'm startled when my bedroom door swings open, handle banging against the wall. I gasped before being tackled by Xale and our dog. Xale jumps on my bed while Boomer jumps off my bed and starts zooming back and forth around my room. Xale hollering and cheering, getting me out of my head. 

"It's the last day of school momma, get up! Get up!" He shouts, jumping up and down. 

Giving him a once over, I notice he is already dressed in mismatch socks, a pair of jeans, and his favorite T-shirt. The Bruins symbol decorated the front because it was his dads favorite. I smile and pull the covers off, getting up and going into my closet, getting dressed in some black leggings and a black sports bra. Deciding to hit the gym after dropping Xale off at school, I grab a hoodie to wear on the way.

Walking back into my room, I notice Xale and Boomer gone. Making my way downstairs, I yell. "Bubba, let Boomer out." 

Coming into the kitchen, I see Xale sitting at the table eating cereal, Boomer laying by his feet. 

"Thanks, dude." I say and ruffle his hair, rolling my eyes.

Looking up at me, milk drips from his chin, causing me to notice the spill surrounding his bowl. I smile before turning to grab some paper towel, and cleaning up the mess. Quickly, I grab Xale's lunch I made last night and let Boomer out before going to the front door to put his lunch in his backpack and gather his shoes and coat.

Going back into the kitchen, I open the back door and call Boomer in. Turning to Xale, seeing he's done and putting his bowl in the sink. Feeling Boomer brush past my legs, I close the door and lock it. 

"Come on!" Xale yells, running towards the front room. Walking behind him, I watch him put on his backpack. The thought hits me his dad never got to. It's been almost two years since his death. Whoever said time eases the pain lied. I feel my heart being pulled out of my chest anytime our son does something new, or I get good news. I want to tell my best friend and realize I can't because he's gone. 

Helping Xale put on his backpack and shoes, we go outside. Getting in the car before making our way to his school. Dropping him off out front, watching him run inside, I smile to myself. Then pull away, heading to the gym. Parking, I lean my head back against my seat and inhale a breath before slowly exhaling. Unbuckling and getting out, locking the truck doors, I make my way inside.

Running on the treadmill, I feel like I'm being watched. I'm not though, I tell myself, and increase the speed and continue, trying to get out of my head. I've been on edge since I came home from my parents to an empty house. Just Xale, our dog, and I. I feel an uneasiness at night that just won't go away. I've lost the feeling of security that came with having a man in the home. Someone to hold me close at night and make me feel protected. Increasing the speed again, I push myself to run as fast as I can till it burns and I focus on that and that alone. I can't think like that. I am stronger than this. It's been almost two years. I can't fester in my sadness.

Getting home from the gym, I hop in the shower. Letting the hot water loosen my strained muscles. Standing underneath the shower head, closing my eyes, I picture hands wrapping me from behind. Slowly making their way up to my chest before pinching my nipple. I gasp, then lift my face up, having water spray down my head to my toes. Rubbing my face, I get to work washing my hair. Making sure to shave every unwanted hair from my body, God knows why, before scrubbing my body with my favorite red apple body scrub. Getting out, I wrap myself in a towel. 

Sighing, I wipe the mirror with my hand, then brush my hair and put on some deodorant before walking into my room. Turning on the television as I shuffle into my closet and drop my towel on the floor. Grabbing some white wash jeans and a white lace bralette, I put them on before walking into my room, pick up my laptop and sit on my bed. I am opening up my emails to check if my boss has anything for me. Then, I scroll through finding a message from one of my clients, another draft sent for me to edit. My eyes flicker to the news, sunshine all week, then fall to my computer screen. Focusing on my work I tuck my hair behind my ears and lean against my headboard, pulling my laptop into my lap. The clicking of my keyboard soothing my soul and blocking out the outside noises.