just for you (years 3-5)

chapter 64

hour three

no. no i wouldn't choose cedric. not over draco. but he's probably my best friend, and am i really going to throw that all away for a boy who can't even admit he likes me? i stand up from my seat on the floor, running through a script in my mind of what to say as i walk back to the common room, quickening my pace with every step.

i can't lose draco.

i can't lose cedric either.

that much i know.

how i'm going to convince draco to let me have both....

that's the part i haven't quite worked out yet.

i'm stopped in the hall by some of my friends from ravenclaw, wishing me luck on the task. for some of the smartest people in the school, you think they would understand the social cues that i didn't want to talk.

it feels like forever before i finally shake them off, continuing through the maze of corridors down to the dungeons.

by the time i've arrived, i think i've got what i'm going to say finalized. although, i'm sure it will all go out the window once we start talking.

start of apologetic. get him on my side. it sounds manipulative, i know. but the only way to convince him is to dig into his own bag of tricks. i'll tell him how i understand where he's coming from, that i get why he's jealous. that he doesn't know any better.

then, say how much i care about him. tell him i could never feel that way about cedric, no matter how much he tore down draco.

and then finally try and drive home the point that if he wants to be with me, he's going to have to learn to become less of a jealous, over-protective, arrogant prick.

maybe don't use those exact words, i think to myself

"pureblood" i whisper, and the stones part to let me through. i hope he's still in here-

he is. but not alone like we were before.

it takes me a minute to process what i'm seeing. back corner of the room, on one of the other couches we hardly ever use. draco and.... pansy?

i back up slightly, making sure i'm out of view. they're whispering, or just far enough away that i can't hear a word their saying.

but i can see them. sitting awfully close for comfort. and it's not like it used to be. draco isn't pushed up against the arm rest while pansy inches closer and closer to him. the contact seems... consensual. comforting, almost. i see her hand go over his. his frown alleviates slightly.

i feel a pain in my chest.

i turn away, pressing my back against the wall and covering my mouth, trying not to scream out.

that's it then? was i really just another hook up. another name to add to his list?

i couldn't have been. but then again-

i look back around the corner, not being able to help myself. her hands no longer on his, oh no. it's now on his back, moving back and forth slowly as they hug, embracing each other. i watch as pansy pulls out of the hug slightly starting to lean in-

i turn back again, not being able to bear anymore

i think i'm going to be sick.

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hour four

i flush the toilet, wiping my mouth with a piece of paper towel.