just for you (years 3-5)

chapter 71

holy. fucking. shit.

is all i can think as i finish draco's letter, it slipping out of my hands as my jaw drops. god how i wish i had read them sooner. regret fills me as i look down at the letter, laying on my bed in front of me. draco finally admitted how he feels, and of course, i'm unavailable.

if i wasn't with cedric, i would be running to the boys dormitory right now. i wouldn't care how idiotic the others would think i was as i knocked on the door, asking to see draco in the middle of the night. he would come to the door, a nervous smile on his face, anxious to know how i reacted to the letter, and i would kiss him. i would grab his face, desperately wanting him after knowing how he truly felt. i would pull him out into the hall so his friends couldn't see us, he would kiss me back, and we would be happy.

but that's all a fantasy right now. because i can't just go run and kiss him. i have a boyfriend. i have a boyfriend. i remember. shit.... what the hell am i supposed to do about that?

there's no denying it now, i definitely still have feelings for draco. unless every girl would go running to their somewhat-ex if they read an old letter. maybe they would, but this feels different. it feels like more than just leftover feelings from last year.

i have to break up with him. it's not fair to either of us to string this along. i just have to figure out how to.

and then there's the matter of pansy. of course, i'm sure draco would drop her if i were to go back to him, to take him up on the offer to have a real relationship... assuming the offer still stands.

does it? still stand, i mean? it's been almost two months since he sent that. but he told me to read it, so i hope he still feels the same way.

even if it doesn't, i have to end things with cedric. i clearly have feelings for someone else, and hearing about his actions last year made me see him in a different light.

god, daphne's going to kill me when she hears about this.

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"jesus, if i had known cedric had done that to him i would've let him bring you your things" daphne sighs from across from me, putting her head in her hands. we're the only two at breakfast so far, so i'm able to tell her what happened last night.

"that's alright" i shrug, "you were just looking out for me" i smile, patting her hand

"and then you said something about a letter?"

"yeah, one of the ones draco wrote me over the summer" i lower my voice as a group of student's walk by, "i read it last night and... well it's made me reconsider a few things"

"reconsider?" daphne's eyes widen, "what things?"

"pretty much everything" i laugh, "first of all, i'm pissed at cedric-"

"rightly so"

"thank you. and draco's letter..."

"that good?"

"yeah" i nod, "that good."

daphne raises her eyebrows, a small smirk on her face, and then she looks back over her shoulder towards the hufflepuff table. cedric's there, not paying attention to us, rather laughing with some of his friends, "how are you going to do it?"

"what?" i say

"break up with him"

"i never said-"

"yeah, but you were thinking it" daphne shrugs, smirking at looking down at her toast.

"yeah..." i sigh. daphne chuckles