Sunflower Reviews

Chelsea - The CEO's Supermodel

Reviewer: Chelsea (MrsCLSmith)

Review: The CEO's Supermodel 

Client: Mila_333

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Cover:

I like the cover a lot. I think it's just the right amount of steam as to draw in readers from a certain crowd, a crowd which I am proudly among. While some readers may be led to believe that there will be some explicit scenes by how steamy it is, I really think it does suit your story well. It looks great. I also think the font of the title is classy and matches the contents sufficiently. It's easy to read and well spaced. All-in-all, like I said, I personally really like it.

Title:

The title is good. It makes sense and fits the story. It's nice, but there's so much more to the plot of this story than a simple love story between a CEO and a supermodel. I almost think it doesn't give the plot justice in its simplicity. The story is full of suspense, kidnappings, deals, intrigue, and this title is so bare bones. Again, I think it's good, but it could be great.

Blurb/Summary:

Your blurb is good, too. It does its job in describing the plot, and by providing descriptions of both Aiden and Lisa, you set the reader up to know which pairing to root for. While there are some grammatical errors, it's not enough to be off putting. I do think that something I would personally like to see corrected is some of the issues with sentence structure, just to make sure readers understand. What I mean to say is - I think some of the sentences are structured in a way that makes them a bit confusing for the reader. For example, "She has always kept her head high up and was always a silver spoon fed lady. Her life turns upside down when she is already matched with the perfect French gentleman, Henry Renault but lusts for Aiden every single time she sees him." It's a bit of a mouthful and is missing some punctuation, but the biggest issue is that, because there are multiple ideas placed into two sentences, there is a lack of clarity. Adding to that, phrases like "silver spoon fed lady" are not incorrect, but they're not phrases you would really hear in English, at least not in the US. I think to fix this you could try putting your ideas into shorter sentences with fewer clauses. It might also help to read what you write aloud to see if it sounds right. That could help fix the little things that aren't natural uses of the language.

Writing Style, Grammar, and Mechanics:

In terms of writing style, I had little issues and was able to follow the story easily. As mentioned in the blurb section, I do think you have a tendency to structure some of your sentences in such a way that the number of clauses affect readability, but it's kind of a minor thing. It doesn't necessarily need to be fixed unless you're considering traditional publishing.

I always hate this part because, in terms of publishing on Wattpad, grammar and mechanics aren't that important, and I don't want you to get upset like your story is bad because there are some errors. No one has flawless grammar or has writing free of typos or mistakes, so take this with a grain of salt, please. This story does have some errors throughout, and that's okay. I started inlining corrections, but I quickly had to stop because I just had too many suggestions (most of them having to do with punctuation and structure). While I want to be clear and say that there aren't so many as to put off readers at all, I do recommend finding a proofreader or using a service like Grammarly or ProWritingAid to fix some of the major things.

I think most of the errors have to do with sentence structure, but I did spot a few things you can fix yourself:

Often when characters are addressing others, the comma before or after the name is missing. For example: "Lisa ma'am would you like to go and change or wait for the cameras to arrive?" There should be a comma after Lisa.

You miss the comma before the last quotation mark in dialogue pretty often. Sometimes you put a period there when there should be a comma, and sometimes, there's nothing at all. I recommend checking out Master Class' article on formatting dialogue.

Like I said above, try reading it aloud to find the spots where certain sentences and phrases don't flow/ aren't really things people say in the US.

Overall, I think you could leave your story as it is and still gain a nice readership, but if you enter contests and things like that, you will likely lose points for grammar unless you fix some of the errors.

Plot:

The plot is WILD but in a good way. It reminded me of a soap opera or k-drama at a lot of points, and I mean that in the best way possible. When I started, I was expecting the plot to be about a steamy love triangle between three people, and instead, I was sent on an adventure! Of course, there is a sort of love triangle in the beginning which sets up the events that unfold later in the story, but it isn't the main plot. There are so many twists and turns in this story that I was really surprised by what happened to Dia and why she did what she did in the end. Like, I was stunned reading those last few chapters. I don't want to include too many spoilers, but I really like how you revealed her motivation after the fact. It was clever.

The setting is familiar to me, as I live on the East Coast of the US and have been to all of the mentioned cities. You described all of the characters at length, down to each clothing item sometimes, but I was really missing more descriptions of the setting here. I loooove me some good imagery provided by sensory details, and I didn't really get that in this story. This is a personal opinion, of course, and I know many people don't care for a lot of descriptions.

There were also some strange things like "Vogue" brand sunglasses and a "Vogue" store that don't exist in real life. I know Vogue is Lisa's employer, but they're just a fashion magazine, not a brand. I also found it kind of odd that the supermodels who are famous enough to be on the news just go shopping together at the mall. I don't think the rich and famous go to malls like that. In the US, I think they shop at small stores on Fifth Avenue or Rodeo Drive or other similar shopping districts that are more exclusive and expensive. I might be wrong, but it just seemed kind of unbelievable to me that a group of supermodels was hanging out at a mall like a pack of high school kids. Again, these are small things that I noticed that seemed odd to me but might not to others.

Characters:

I think you do a lovely job getting your readers hooked on your characters and wanting to root for them. For example, even though it was clear to me from the start that Henry was very likely the other man in the situation, I was still rooting for him and really liked him. I felt so sad for him every time Lisa was with Aiden. I hope including this isn't too big of a spoiler, but he bows out so gracefully before the plot takes a tailspin to Dia's scheme.

Aiden was a great counterpart to Lisa. They go really well together, and their relationship makes sense. His power and wealth come second to his thoughtfulness and kindness. I always enjoyed reading his POV when it came up because his perspective of the events often cleared a lot of things up.

For Lisa, I was worried in the beginning that it might be difficult for the average reader to relate to her because she's a famous supermodel with a whole team working for her and the whole world it seems gushing over her. However, you made it work and made her very relatable. Her interactions with her family, especially her sister, really endeared her to me, and the chemistry she has with Aiden made me want more. The only thing that I felt was kind of inconsistent with her characterization was the drunk driving scene. It felt so out of place and the same effect of having Henry kind of fall for her a bit could've been achieved in any number of other ways. I think one surefire way to make the average reader dislike your main character is to have them recklessly drive drunk and then act like it's no big deal. I had to pretend that it didn't happen to keep liking her. That being said, once I did that I did really like her and I was very worried for her for the later 50% of the story.

Recommendation:

I would recommend this story to someone looking for some suspense and wild drama with their romance.