Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - Ribbon

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: Ribbon

Client: VeraChendra

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Title and Cover:

I was intrigued by seeing the title, curious to know about the essence of ribbon in the story. The last line of the blurb enhances and makes the title much more relatable. Title is short, sweet and relatable.

Cover seems relatable too. I won't say it is too attractive but it isn't an eyesore either. It is good to look at. I liked the placement of the title and the colour used. However, I would suggest a different font. (That's just my opinion, you don't have to change anything if you don't want to).

Blurb:

Blurb gives a fair idea of the life of main characters and makes me want to dive into the story. I like how both the characters have been given equal amounts of space.

Just look out for missing/wrong words.

1) Meera has ran for her whole (life). The word life is missing.

2)Ivan farewell has inherited....that leaves him with more problems with answers. Here you need to replace the word 'with'. → that leaves him with more problems than answers.

Overall, the blurb was exciting. And I liked how the Author has framed the last line, giving the title an appropriate meaning.

Moving Forward to the chapters,

Great, descriptive start. Detailing is awesome. It is easy to imagine the scenes.

The sentence (Where were the tempest and fierce winds to match my ever worsening mood? ) This was really awesome. It gave out the inner turmoil of the character with a hint of quirkiness.

The analogies used are awesome, giving a crisp to the story.

The first chapter moves smoothly giving subtle hints about the past as well as future.

In the second chapter, the writing style changes. Although it does enhance the difference between the characters, I am not sure that change from first person to third person would work when the characters meet. I would suggest selecting one way and sticking to it.

I like the bond between the two siblings. The mix of sweet and sour gives out an amazing outcome. However, I feel like the introduction of the other siblings was too fast paced. Instead of just telling, it would be more effective if their introduction was done through some conversations or actions between them.

(It's a good plan. A great plan. The best plan) Awesome lines. Gives out an amazing effect.

Grammar:

Fluctuating tenses, typos, wrong uses of words/ missing words, many times full stop is used instead of commas and sometimes commas are used where they aren't necessary.

Chpt 1:

Look into the sentence-1) Los Angeles was a nice place....and try hard trying to make a name for themselves. The sentence gets weird starting from and. So try rewording it.

2) same para- I was anonymous her. It should be anonymous here instead of her.

Chapter 2:

Anya picked up a pen....(there's a typo and it is written as Anyabpicked)

Chapter 3:

It is written that leaving Pharaoh behind in L.A made the character sad, but then she was talking with her cat in the hotel room of New york. It is a minor plot hole or am I being confused here.

Also it is written hood instead of good in one place.

Missing question mark and i needs to be capitalized in the sentence- "I am offering, aren't i."

Overall,

The story seems really interesting. And I am sure this story will be gathering readers anytime soon. Although the grammar mistakes seem too many, they all are minor ones which don't disrupt the flow of the story. Just weed them out while editing.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and am looking forward to see how the story moves forward.