Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - Kara Ariak

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: Kara Ariak

Client: Kaykacorn

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Title and cover

Title is nice, plain, and simple. Title is either about the storyline or about the main lead. You have chosen the latter option and it works well. The name is attractive as well, so it does grab the attention of the readers.

I liked the picture used for the cover. And I also liked the font style and colour used for the title. However, both of them don't mix well in my opinion.

Blurb

Absolutely fantastic blurb. Right from the starting sentence till the end, it was just so hooking. The starting paragraph makes it relatable to the readers, then it tells us what to expect from the main lead and ends it with a shocking cliff-hanger. It is a very well written blurb with absolutely no errors and full of hooking aspects.

My expectations have raised much higher after reading this blurb. Looking forward to the story.

Moving towards the chapters,

I loved the way you started the story. Great metaphor and then connecting it with the main lead was done nicely too.

I feel if the events are showcased a little differently then it would have more effect. Like some monologues or descriptions of a person in between a scene instead of telling it all at once.

At first, I thought that Kara's and Nico's friendship seemed too sudden, and everything was on a fast pace. However, as the chapter passed by, I realized that some friendships do happen like that. We do feel an instant connection with someone, and a great friendship develops. And it is portrayed in a great way.

I like how the family converses among themselves about the situation with Kara asking them about what the hell is going on. She still hasn't been filled in about everything and yet she is being asked to go somewhere. I think the encounters would be really interesting.

She has been informed about the basic things. But I feel that it should be explained a little elaborately as she has no idea about all these things. So, I feel that even if only the basics are given, they need to explain more thoroughly.

I like how Nico's friend chastises him about bringing Kara out when she doesn't know anything and Nico's reply to that. This clarifies some of the questions I had in the mind.

Characterization:

Kara's characterization is done really well. It is clear that most of her thinking and decision making is based on how she was treated in the past. Her hesitation and surprise at the new events connects really well.

Nico seems like a great character. He has a good heart, and it is very clear. His father seems strict and mysterious, yet still giving off a vibe of a good character.

Nico's siblings are cute, but they seem a lot older than six-year-olds with their behaviours. I am not sure if it is intentional (Because of the powers) or it is just an error. Still, they are very enjoyable to read. On a second note, Nico seems too mature for his age too. So, I definitely think it is because of the powers/ or the species they are.

Oron's character is shown nicely too. His friendship with Nico is ever visible and his dialogues and actions are fun to read too.

Aline and Nerai's characters are well thought off too. They give off a different persona from outside while being completely different from inside, just like a coconut. Although this aspect is the same, both of them still have their distinct voices.

Each character is well thought off and develops with further chapters. They manage to create different emotions while reading the story and none of them seems like a filler one.

World building is good but can be made better. There's a description of the new world and enemy creatures but a little more detailing would make us imagine the scene more properly.

There were many cute scenes in the story, making it so enjoyable to read. Along with that there was the heartbreaking condition of Kara, where the little voice of her mind continuously broke her. The mixture of emotions is portrayed beautifully. Especially the part where Kara gets hurt unintentionally (feeling like a low being in front of them), while knowing fully well that her friends are too nice to actually hurt her. Adventure, fantasy and emotions- the story is a mix of these three. The best part is that all of that happens simultaneously as if they are one.

Writing style is awesome. There is so much information, yet I never felt bombarded. They are slowly shown in the scenes, which also makes it easier to remember them.

Apart from the first chapter, all the chapters have been moving at a steady pace. Every scene moves smoothly without causing a break to the story.

I have read about elements, but this concept is so unique. The whisperers, aspects, the chants, calls and many more things are the ones I am reading for the first time. And give it to the Author, for making me remember all of these (It is a hard task for me if there are too many things involved).

Concept is really awesome, and it is portrayed really well. As chapters moved by, I was totally hooked into the story. And because of this, I believe that Author has the potential to write a much better first chapter. It had started really well but afterwards it didn't catch my attention like the other chapters did.

Grammatical errors:

Tenses switched from present tense to past tense. Because of the rapid switching, the sentences didn't give out the effect they actually had the capacity to.

A few times the space between two words was missing.

The Placement of commas is also a problem here. Some are placed when there is no need for them while some are missing. However, it isn't a huge problem.

First chapter

★His new friends showed no indication of moving.

Here, he is only talking about Kara so it will be- His new friend...

It is a minor typo but can get readers confused.

★In the sentence when Nico is worried about her family life, quotation ends but it still seems like the dialogue is continued.

"Kara, is your home life safe, are you safe with your family?" Nico asked with worry, sorry if it's intrusive but I don't like the idea of you being in danger.

Here, I would suggest starting the quotation marks again before the word sorry. So it looks like he is speaking to her.

Right after this dialogue, the wording of the next paragraph seems weird. Try restructuring the paragraph and it will work wonders.

***

Typos/spelling mistake

Awkward is written as akward.

More is written as mlre

Coming is written as comming.

To is written as yo

These are some of the typos I have pointed out. There are more typos like this. So weed them out while editing.

Over all,

Plot, pace, flow, connect to the readers, enjoyment- story excels in all these departments. I feel like language is the only obstacle right now. However, I believe that with time and practice that can be improved.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book and will definitely read the further chapters in future when I get more time.

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!