Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - Withered Fate

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: Withered Fate

Client: DarKQu33n67

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Title and Cover:

Short, simple yet effective title. It clearly gives off an idea that the story involves someone's ill fate. Title is unique too.

I absolutely loved the cover. It isn't crowded but still remains relatable to the title. The golden brown leaves emphasis on the word 'withered.' The font style and colour are attractive. All the colours used for background, leaves, title; they really go well with each other.

Blurb:

I feel like the first paragraph is putting down the overall fantastic blurb. However, it can't be just cut off as it contains important information. So, I would suggest the Author should try to make that paragraph more interesting.

I liked the part about power being a burden. Not every one with power would like to take on the challenge. And I am sure it would be very interesting to see how Maeve deals with the troubles upon being found out.

As said before, except the first paragraph, I found the whole blurb very hooking. It has grabbed my attention and I am really excited to find out what happens in the story.

Moving towards the chapters,

Interesting start. Cleaning is often an irritating task for the youngsters, and I am sure that this part will be make readers relate with the main character.

The part where Maeve changes her dress, we get to know more about her mother and herself in a subtle way. Great way to introduce the personalities of both characters.

The few metaphors and phrases used are really making the usual lines shine so much brighter. They are used moderately, giving the punch when it is needed.

The ending of the first chapter was well thought off. The last lines made it impossible to leave, making me excited to see what happened next that drastically changed everything.

The second chapter brought in new characters. Their introduction was done brilliantly. I loved the descriptions of the shop as well as the mess(chuckles). Another chapter with an awesome ending. I think this would be a common occurrence. Author has managed to learn the art of keeping the readers hooked.

The commander's character has brought goose bumps. His dialogues and the descriptions of his body language have really set the picture. Great work done!

*****

Characterization was done brilliantly. Even the characters that came for a short period managed to make me feel and connect with them.

Descriptions are done really well. It was easy to picture the normal as well the fantasy scenes. The time when she saved the small child, the strings, the building, the blood; the detailing was so good. I literally imagined the whole scene. And I could say the same for the test scene. However, before the test when they entered the new place, I found the detailing overwhelming. There were too many descriptions making it hard to understand the actual happenings that were going on between the two new characters and the commander.

The story flows at a smooth pace without any hurdles. There aren't many cliff-hangers but there's so much I am curious and excited to find out.

About world building, I think there needs to be a little more information about the world where Maeve lived before she got captured and elaborate more on the difference between the usual people and people with marks. As in I want more explanation to be given inside the story, of what was stated in the first paragraph of the blurb. Apart from this, I think there has been a fantastic job done on world building for the rest of the story.

Writing style is good. Information gets across easily, makes us connect with the characters and isn't too confusing even though we are dealing with a new fantasy world.

The concept of the story is really fascinating. This concept was the one that made me get hooked to the story in the first place after reading the blurb. And it is so unique. I have read fantasy stories about powers but this is one of a kind. Hating the power, getting caught by the commander(this soul keeper's commander part was really new and exciting) and the tests.

Suggestion:

The paragraphs are longer than what I usually prefer but they were still holding my interest, but later chapters have too long paragraphs, making it a little hard to read. Author can separate the paragraphs without messing with the plot. This might make it easier for the mobile readers. But it is totally up to the Author.

Grammar:

Grammar was totally perfect. I really don't think that one missing apostrophe and a misplaced comma count.

Chapter five

★Raffian was written as Riffain.

(I am not sure whether this was a typo or the soul keeper deliberately said the wrong name, to emphasise that he wasn't important)

Over all,

I enjoyed reading the story. With the fantasy bit, there's also a mix of emotions that gets connected so well. Apart from minor inconveniences mentioned above, the story was written exceptionally well. A great read!

Thanks for choosing me. Keep writing!!