Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - Timelines Collide

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: Timelines Collide

Client: CloneRazorX115

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Title and Cover

Title sounds cool and gives us a slight idea on what would be the base concept of the book. I won't say the name is totally unique as I had heard it before, but yes it suits the story really well.

I liked the font, colour and style used to write the title on the cover. It actually feels like a cinematic effect. However the photo used isn't too clear and it doesn't really catch the eye.

Blurb

Blurb seems interesting. There's time travel, fight for justice, plus a search for signet. It creates an itch to read and find out more about the story.

What is written is awesome but how it is written needs to be worked on.

I feel that the first sentence and the sentence about the legendary signet needs to be shortened. It makes the whole blurb look confusing. However when I read the blurb after cutting it down, the description felt much more understandable. I would advise making paragraphs along with shortened sentences. The same thing looks much more approachable if it has some breathing space in between.

Prologue

Information provided in the prologue is much needed. But I believe that it can be made more interesting to read. Same information but written a little differently. The prologue right now seems more like a lesson meant to be studied.

Suggestion:

1 There are few sentences in the prologue starting with It, they, etc. Obviously it is grammatically correct but I feel the more impact would come if the names were given.

Example:

★It provided them resources for recognition in return.

This could be written as- Our land/world provided the resources to other world for recognition in return.

★ They soon became the dominant inhabitants of this world.

I feel the sentence would attract more gasps if it is written like this- Those dormant beings became the dominant inhabitants of this world.

2) In one sentence it was mentioned -'However in my mind—'

So just like that the main lead can be shown a little and instead of just informing about the groups, this could be shown off as some conversation.

I personally think that information goes through readers' minds fast if it is shown through some action/dialogue .

Moving towards the chapters,

A unique starting paragraph. Never have I read something like this as a starting piece. Your descriptions are awesome.

You have done an awesome job at combining the world building along with the introduction of characters. The way they are introduced, their descriptions lead us to know about a world that is different from ours. I totally love how they are named.

You describe beautifully. It is usually hard to visualize something if it is out of the ordinary, but your descriptions make it so easy to imagine the scene. However, I won't lie a few words/ the names of their weapons did fly out of my mind. The action scenes are described beautifully.

As much as I enjoyed the characters, who unfortunately got hurt/died during the fight, I feel a little back story of what was actually happening would have been great.

Your vocabulary is great. Not too simple yet not too hard. I also noticed that many archaic terms were used. Your knowledge on these terms seem great but I would recommend that you lessen the use as this novel is sci-fi and not historical fiction. These words would have more impact if the novel was based on history rather than future.

Most paragraphs are of proper length but from the eighth chapter they seemed too long. I would advise cutting down the chapters a little.

The concept of the story is really interesting. It is written nicely but I won't deny that there's room for improvement. Personally, I would prefer if there was some more information about the world they are in and why it is happening. Of course the information is provided but it feels too brief, I would like to know more about it so I can relate more to the happenings of the story.

The earlier lines referred to the previous chapters. From Lincoln's point of view the past is shown and that's perfect. Just a little information of the new world is needed in the starting paragraphs.

Grammar

Missing commas, question marks, full stops, quotation marks in some areas. Somewhere there are extra quotation marks as well. So look into the punctuations while editing.

A part is written as apart- 1st chapter

Hit is written instead of hitting- 2nd chapter

Chapter 3- "To think you thought my scarf was stupid,." In this sentence, comma and full stop both are used by mistake.

"To think I was just hunting normal prey...Into I saw...."

Here the word into seems weird, so look into the sentence.

Chapter 5- What do you got their old sport?

The sentence doesn't make sense to me.

(I saw their old sport mentioned a lot of times later and most of the time, I felt that it didn't connect with the sentence. I take it that old sport is a nickname, but the sentences surrounding it seem weirdly formed)

There are few errors but they don't need urgent editing. They don't really destroy the flow of the story so just weed them out while editing.

Suggestion

Chapter 5- For one I wanted to see if 76 told you about the status

If you want to show an incomplete sentence use a dash (—) or some periods(...) Or else it looks like a mistake.

Mention that the POV is changed(referring to chapter nine)

Overall,

Story is really good. I had a good time reading it. After reading these ten chapters, I have come into the conclusion that your chapters are far better than your blurb and prologue. However the chapters won't be given a chance if readers aren't hooked by the blurb and prologue. So I would suggest editing them.

Other than that, the story was fabulous. I enjoyed reading it.

Thanks for choosing me to review your work. Keep writing!!