Sunflower Reviews

Mila - Lucia - Their Broken Light

Reviewer: Mila_333

Review: Lucia - Their Broken Light

Client: CNavyaXII

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Title
The title fits the story; it matches the plot and features the female protagonist. It is also enticing enough to get readers interested to start reading. Only thing is the way you wrote the title and the way it is in the cover is not the same. I suggest you insert the title in the system as it is written in the cover.

Cover
The cover also exudes the same vibes as the story, it gives you those dark vibes and portraying the woman who I believe is depicting the female protagonist is a very good idea and it makes readers interested to start the story. The font size, color and style of the title work perfectly with the background.

Blurb
The blurb matches the plot except that I find some details to be repetitive. There's also the same grammatical mistake, that is the spacing after the punctuation marks, it becomes more grave when grammar mistakes are on the blurb since readers tend to leave if they don't like coming across these, especially when the blurb is the first thing they write in the story.
Although the blurb is fitting for the current plot, it would have been more enticing to add what she becomes and how she changes over those ten years. So, the deets are fitting but lacking since they're repetitive.

Grammar
I noticed the lack of spacing after punctuations, it is amply evident to insert spacing after any punctuation. Grammar itself is not the major issue, I believe you should copy paste your work on Microsoft Word and you can automatically correct all your mistakes from there. One thing which bugged me throughout the read is the insertion of paragraphs or any sentences from the previous chapter. This is not needed at all as the readers automatically know what had happened previously and if they don't, they can simply go to the previous chapter to refresh their memory.

Plot
Alright, so firstly, the number of chapters in the story do not reflect the content quantity. What I mean to say is that your chapters are really too short. I can only write this much in your review since there isn't that much content in the plot to begin with. A book of 12 chapters will usually give me a lot more to include in the review. I'm confident you can easily fit all the current content in only five chapters or even less. And, I had actually read the current updated book in only half an hour!

Another thing I noted was the excessive switch in point of views and this provides quite an unprofessional look to the story. I suggest you decide first what POV you wish to be writing. I personally believe the third person's POV is best suited for your plot since you included so many persons' POVs. However, it's an art to master that and if you don't feel at ease to write wholly in the third person's POV, you can simply switch to writing in the POV of the female
protagonist which will be very much corresponding to the plot. You can definitely include the POV of her brother, but I don't recommend it a lot. You can do so in only one chapter and make sure you have enough content to include in his POV; otherwise it simply breaks the reading flow.

Coming to the age of the female protagonist, the events that happened to her seems to be a little unrealistic; the only reason is because of her age. I personally deem it to be more fitting if she would have been around the age of eight so that her thoughts could reason with her. What you can do is put a minor incident at the age of six, but not grave enough to have her disowned. Then, at the age of eight, you can make the knife incident happen and have the events followed as it has.

The pacing will be perfect if you combine at least two chapters in one, otherwise it will be deemed to be too slow. Another thing which did confuse me for a little was the number of characters in the story. It can be quite a lot for readers to retain, and if a character (especially among Lucia's brothers) does not have much of a role in the plot, I recommend completely deleting that character. I cannot ascertain this recommendation since I have no knowledge on how the plot will transform later on.

Writing style
The writing style is very simple. It's basic where the events are being narrated. I found descriptions lacking and with your kind of plot, the descriptions would have seriously enhanced your work. Hence, I suggest expanding your bundle of vocabulary and work on describing the places, smell and emotions of the characters.

Character development
As for the family of Lucia, they badly need development and their characters are really despicable. It is what kicks off the plot but I would need to see their development by the end of the story

I wanted a more in depth insight on the character of the brother who wanted to save her. I hope to see him later on, after ten years, so I know exactly what to think of him. I also wanted to know the thoughts of Celestia so I could form an opinion of her as well. I'm guessing you have concealed her thoughts on purpose so as not to reveal any mystery.

As for the mother, again more needs to be revealed so I can exactly comprehend her character. As far as the dad's concerned, he really needs to realize his mistake.

As for Lucia herself, it's very early to speak on her character since she's basically still a kid and has no good sense of understanding. The story needs to progress so that I can have an opinion of her character.

Readers' enjoyment
The plot is dark and very intriguing. The current contents that you have will definitely keep your readers hooked! I really hope for you to work a lot on your writing and this book will become a really good one.