Sunflower Reviews

Ria - See You Again

Reviewer: Ria (fire_dragon_24)

Review: See You Again

Client: that_blondie_girl_29

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Cover and Blurb:

The cover is pretty good. It represents the book very well and I find it great. Although, I would like to say, it looks a little more like a collage than a cover. I would recommend the author to use the picture and expand it so that it fits the entire page. The title should also be a little more clear. I must say, the picture really does represent the book perfectly and the author made a great decision to use it for the cover. The blurb was a little short. I liked the theme behind it and I understand that there was an extended description inside the book, but in my experience, readers put books down (or in this case, slide right) if a good description is not given. I would ask the author to make it longer and change the "yupi" to "yuppie". Otherwise, the description inside the book can be cut out and added as a description on the description page. Only a few changes need to be made to the description in the book.

What it should be:

"Will has everything he could ask for. A loving family, friends, a place in the most exclusive school in the country, more than a million followers on Instagram and Twitter, a cool house and a huge collection of video games. Not to mention, he's the captain of the swimming team. Although he is extremely privileged, there is something missing. Or better yet, someone.

Red lipstick on pretty smiles, black eyelashes that bat over mint green eyes, perfectly styled hair cascading down her back, musical laughter and a silky voice. In his eyes, Vanessa is a perfectly beautiful human being.  But she doesn't need a man, and Will's attempts at wooing her aren't getting him anywhere.

Enter McKenzie. Vanessa's friend is everything but someone that Will would befriend. He soon realizes that she's more trouble than help in his quest to make Vanessa fall in love with him.

His goal? Get McKenzie out of the equation and seduce Vanessa into his loving arms. Unfortunately, he's yet to find out that the task might not be as easy as he wants it to be."

I haven't changed much at all. This is because I really like the description and think it's great! However, making these changes and putting the description in the description page will prove to be a great way for readers to get a clear idea of what the story is going to be about. In other words, invite them to take a peek.

Grammar: The grammar was pretty good. Most of the words were grammatically correct, with correct punctuation and an accurate use of vocabulary. However, I wouldn't say that everything was completely correct. There were a few grammatical errors every two paragraphs or so. I have taken a few examples from the book to show the author what I'm talking about.

Example 1:

What it was: A little bit. Walter is at the back probably smoking with the others. And before you ask, no, I haven't seen Vanessa yet. I saw Leah, tough, she said they were upstairs because of a certain guest. She said she was an old friend."

What it should be: The second sentence should have a comma before "probably". The fourth sentence should be; I saw Leah though. She said they were upstairs with of a certain guest who is an old friend.

Example 2:

What it was: Than I saw Peter in his black suit and he joined with a huge grin and a flute in his hand.

What it should be: "Than" should be "Then" and should have a comma after it. Also, it should be divided into two. After "saw Peter in a black suit", a period should be added and the next sentence should be; He joined us with a huge grin plastered across his face and a flute in his hand.

Example 3:

What it was: Someone driving way too fast parked right in front of me, ready to cause me a heart attack or run me over. Anyway, dying to get me in a hospital.

What it should be: Someone driving way too fast parked right in front of me, giving me a heart attack and almost running me over. Either way, trying to put me in a hospital.

I'm sorry to say, quite a few of such mistakes have been done throughout the book. I would ask the author to review it after it is completed and then send it over to the Sunflower Editing Center. I understand that English is not everyone's first language, and judging by that, an extraordinary job has been done on the grammar. With a few tweaks here and there, it will be perfect!

Plot: To be completely honest, I really loved the plot. It wasn't cliché and was very realistic. This is something that I see very rarely on Wattpad. I can't say that I don't like a good, cliché book to give you butterflies in your stomach, but seeing unique things like this piece of art makes my day. The plot flows well together and I think the story has a unique starting point. This makes the story more enjoyable and interesting than it already is. The plot is one of the strong points of the book. It is strong, has a good structure to it and most of all, it keeps the reader hooked. I will say that there are a lot of filler chapters, but for teen fiction, that's totally understandable. The way that the book develops is like a slow burn. But not in a bad way. It's like a slow burn that would happen even if the author had mass published the entire book at once. To say that I am impressed would be an understatement.

I found myself lost in the book and laughed at all the humorous parts and sat back, enjoying myself as I read the chapters and stuffed my face with popcorn. Yes, it's that kind of a book. The drama, tension, hilarity and side characters left me in utter bliss. I have to say, the side characters left me in stitches every once in a while. A huge "awesome job!" to the author from my side on that. I don't think any changes are needed in the plot. It is very well done.

Characterization: This is another one of the strong points of the book. The personality's of the individuals in the book were unique and very well portrayed. What I liked was that the author didn't introduce the character in one paragraph. Rather, the character's personality was stretched out and shown throughout the book. Will's cockiness and lovesick attitude, Ezra's hilarious addiction to food and McKenzie's extraordinarily portrayed character were an amazing feature in the book.

However, I feel that the overall character development for Will could be improved a little. It is already extremely good, but I feel that it should be sped up, just a tiny bit. This will give the readers a sense of thrill and attach them to the book. My English teacher once said, "Prolonging the time after which an  important event takes place is a great feature in a book, but prolonging it too much will chase the reader away." Over time, a reader may get annoyed and give up on a book with a little too less happening. I would recommend the author to speed it up  just a tiny bit, so that the reader stays hooked and continues to read.

Overall enjoyment: The book was great! I loved it and was completely immersed in Will's story. My favorite feature of the book were the little splashes of humor here and there. It made me connect to it on a personal level and left me wheezing every now and then. This is an extremely good thing for a book to have. Whether it's through humor or some dark, mysterious, depressing thought, a connection with the audience has proven to be a great feature in any form of art. I loved the book and think it can do extremely well.

Good luck on your future projects! Thank you for choosing me to do your review!

-Ria