Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - The Pathway

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: The Pathway

Client: BevvTv

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Title and Cover

Cover is simple yet beautiful. It resonates with the title perfectly. The subtitle used makes it intriguing, making me curious about the secrets.

Title is good. It gives away the idea that the story is based on the pathway. Three chapters in and found out the connection of the story with this title.

Blurb

I like the way it starts. The 6 steps and the blank 7th step, makes it really intriguing and hooks the readers to see what will be inside the story.

Those steps confirmed the genre of the story. It is clear that the story lies between horror and mystery.

The sentence-

To get away from the noisy, polluted and overpopulated environment.

This sentence feels incomplete. Add something in it or you could just join it with another sentence by placing a comma.

Look out for the fluctuating tenses in the blurb.

Blurb is short yet gives away the gist of the story. Readers know what to expect while still being curious about how and what will happen.

Overall, it is well written apart from mistakes I pointed out earlier.

Moving towards the chapters,

Great way to start the story. It is true that most of us don't believe in ghosts unless some events happen directly to us or someone near us.

Author can work on the characters' introduction. Instead of spoon feeding readers about your family, who they are, where they come from, try to show it. Like a playful fight over dinner preferences can reveal the background/lineage of their parents. Same case with introducing the brother too.

There are subtle hints given and I am curious to see what changed the happy times and the reason behind it.

First chapter ended with a great cliff-hanger, making me really excited to what would come next and how the main lead would battle the situation.

Facts related to what the main lead experiences are amazing, definitely creating an eerie feeling and goose bumps. However, the author has to work on how to present the mundane things. The normal workings of the day, the time when life is smooth needs to be portrayed in a way that it still feels interesting to read it even if nothing major is going on. Instead of just stating those things, it could be shown through small scenes, which might help readers connect with the character more.

Grammatical errors

Tenses keep fluctuating. I would suggest selecting one and sticking to it. Look out for missing commas near the dialogues.

Chapter 3

The next day, while my mom was home-schooling us, the phone ranged.....

Ranged is used instead of rang.

Other than these minor errors, the story was well written.

A confusion- (When they reached the new house)

Seeing that she concluded which room was based on colours, I would assume that it was painted specifically for the family.

However, the description of dust and spider webs give away the feeling that no one has been there for so long or maybe never. So see if you could clear this confusion somehow.

Writing style

Usually I don't recommend Author speaking directly with the readers inside the story. It is fine in the introduction chapter or Author's note but during the story, it might break the flow. However, I also know that some readers like this style of writing too. So it's totally up to the Author, about the style they prefer the most.

Space between some paragraphs is too much while some doesn't have space between them. It is a minor error that can be easily fixed while editing.

*****

All the chapters ended with awesome cliff-hangers, making me want to dive into the next chapter right away.

A better characterization is needed. Something that makes readers connect with the characters (not necessarily good). This can be done during the parts where nothing special happens. In this way, the filler things would also be converted into something useful.

Horror wise the pace of the story is perfect and steady. But the filler parts of the story (like home-schooling, getting dogs etc) makes it seem rushed. Don't get confused. These parts don't need to be excluded. What I am aiming for is to show these parts in detail rather than just stating them. So it wouldn't feel that we are jumping from one fact to another without a flow.

Definitely an original and unique story. I haven't read something like this before. Finding out that this is a real story makes it scarier than it already is.

Over all,

The story progressed really well, scaring me and at the same time gaining my interest to know further.

I love how everything slowly builds up. Starting from an instinct, to a feeling, having nightmares, then connecting those to real life and finally an encounter.

Horror and mystery part of the story is very well written. However world building, characterization, flow and presentation needs some work.

The main work to keep the readers engaged is done greatly with the story. A little more effort will make the story really better. I see a lot of potential in this work.