Sunflower Reviews

Grisha - Ayonija

Reviewer: Grisha2610

Review: Ayonija

Client: Syntaktis

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COVER AND BLURB (4.5/10)

The cover, at first glance, seems quite messy. There are too many characters clashing with each other on it, and the text can definitely be refurbished. I have two suggestions for this problem. First, if you want to stick with the actors as a template for your characters, then you might need clearer images (especially the one in the very center) and the title of the book to be in bright colours like gold or silver with an effect of them emitting light, and your pen name can come at the very bottom. The cover just needs to be a lot brighter. My second suggestion requires more time and (most probably) the help of a cover artist. You can find them on any graphic shop on Wattpad. You can ask them to make the characters seem more like a painting by giving them the physical features of said characters. This type of style is implemented a lot on the covers of Hindi epics. I'd be happy to give you some examples in the messages, if you are interested. Overall, the cover requires work.

Now let's move on to the blurb. Although, I appreciate how you start it off with a quote, it is grammatically incorrect. The blurb is basically the premise of the story; it should hook the reader right in. It is important for the first line to instantly click in the reader's mind. Next issue is regarding the bullet-point list below. The points mentioned are great but it is important to connect them through a paragraph in order for them to draw the reader in. I would suggest you change the blurb to-

"It is not our greatness that we are remembered for, it is her greatness that we have forgotten"

A hidden tale unravels as the Kauravas and Pandavas war for the throne of their ancestors.

She was the epitome of beauty and grace, a warrior queen, a sister, a friend, and a lover. She walked alone on her path and emerged victorious, but was lost in time.

I believe it justifies your original blurb with a few modifications. You are free to use it or not. It is completely your choice.

GRAMMAR (3/10)

There are several issues that I found within different areas of this category. I will analyse these errors point-by-point and give tips for improving in these areas-

·       Sentence Structure

There are several sentences in the book that read awkward and really do need to be refurbished. I think the main issue with the writing is that it will probably suit well if you're speaking but on paper, it doesn't read well. I have given you examples in the inline comments of this. My suggestion would be to download an editing tool like Grammarly and click on the 'rewrite for clarity' button which will pop up. From personal experience, it has helped me to see sentences from the reader's point of review and restructure them properly. I am sure it will help you as well.

·       Dialogue Placement and Tags

This is the area which requires the most work. Improper dialogue placements really interrupt the story and force the reader to read a paragraph again and again before finally getting which character is speaking it. I have already given you an example of this in an inline comment but I will state it again. Separate your dialogues by placing them in a different paragraph. This acts as an indicator whenever a different character is speaking their lines. Regarding the dialogue tags, you can use Grammarly to help you with that as well. Adding to that, you don't always need to use 'said' whenever a character is speaking. My suggestion would be to make a list of words you can use to replace 'said'. You can keep that with you while writing a new chapter so that you don't need to edit it out later.