Sunflower Reviews

Astrid - Is Humanity The Real Sanity

Reviewer: AStridGSmile12

Review: Is Humanity The Real Sanity

Client: blackpumpkin

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We begin with the title like always, and I like this one, Is Humanity the Real Sanity? The question is valid, and the fact that it's based on psychological premises makes it a rather witty idea from the writer. I feel it reads better if it's stated this way, though- Is Humanity Really Equal to Sanity? But it's just an opinion.

While I read the book, the cover was just right, but the new one is an improvement. I stress this often that I hate having even to shine a light on the covers because no book should be judged on its cover, to begin with, but let's face it, we all judge by the cover anyways. I warn you, Ms. Author, to be careful about your letters being too light in color or lost in the pigment of your picture. The judges in awards will call you on it and lower your points.

The blurb sounds promising because the pitch of the theme is appealing. The author wrote enough to disclose what the characters will be like and the problems that will arise without giving too much away. I would say that the English itself sounds off, take for example;

[When the normal routine of torturing those who should have never lived gets her caught in a situation where she meets a handsome officer who is just more than obsessed than her case of brutal killing, the world she planned started to mess up and the way she carved to feed her insanity get lost, she ended up being something she knew she would become someday but didn't know it will come so soon.]

The problem here is giving a lot all at once. Therefore the flow of the paragraph twist instead of going straight through.

[When the normal routine of torturing those who should never live attracts the unwanted attention of a handsome- but mysterious- officer, the world she planned starts to get messy. Her way of feeding her insanity gets lost too and soon she ends up being something she knew one day she'd be, but never did she think she would be so soon.]

See, adding too many comma slices (like the first excerpt) makes a run-on sentence, and run-ons to many readers are a turnoff. Don't be afraid to cut a sentence in two or replace a comma with a [because] or [and].

Now I will say that I find throughout the work grammatical errors that cause the reader to have a turbulent read. I had to rework a sentence or two in my head to smooth the process out. I have read worse, so I do not overly stress this part. You need an editor. If you trust anyone, let them help you, and if you're like me, you might not trust anyone, hehe. Then I would suggest you find online an editing service. I've been recommended Reeds before. Haven't tried it myself but it's worth looking into it.

Also, remember when working with dialogue, you don't need to say one thing and then begin another sentence, but you also can't put two people talking in one paragraph. For example:

["Look at me, Carl!" My voice echoed in the hall but I didn't care.

Carl turned very slowly and said, "What do you want from me, Imelda? I gave you all I had."] - Is the correct format.

Do not do this- ["Look at me, Carl!" My voice echoes. He turns slowly, "What do you want from me, Imelda? I gave you all I had."]

Also, make sure you close your dialogue correctly. The quotations are after the period or comma, and you must only use them when the characters are talking.

Do not do this- ["Carl, I miss you, I said".] - This is wrong

This is right- ["Carl, I miss you," I said.]

The writing style is very original. The author uses two perspectives or more, but the parts are labeled and clear. I loved all the small poems or quotes to bring a little bit more character to everything. They are what makes the author's writing style unique. Description and vocabulary are depicted well, but this is where an editor would benefit the author because the rendering of the depictions needs a little polish. The author also adds the character's thoughts into the mix, which adds so much more to the experience.

I always leave the best part for last, and that's my enjoyment segment. I never thought I would like, let alone enjoy, a psycho-thriller. Oh, but do I, thankfully it's ongoing, so there will be more. The characters are complex and colorful, the plot is original and well thought out, and the nicely woven young love is enough to make your heart feel a flutter. We all know what it feels like to be hanging by a thread and utterly convinced that no one is willing to save us from an eighty-foot drop, but surprise, surprise, the person we least expect or the one we hurt the most is always ready to grab our hand at the last second, am I, right? Also, the aspect that the protagonist is an anti-hero who's losing the bit of humanity she has left shouldn't be described as awesome. Yet, the creativity behind it is solid, and as the reader, you find yourself hoping someone will save her or that somehow she'll save herself. So, yeah, it's awesome.

So, author, if you would like something to put in your blurb or author's note, you could put;

"Take a moment and read, Is Humanity the Real Sanity? It is a story that will have you wheeling with mystery and thrill. It will have you questioning the mental health challenges that many have to deal with every day, but just as much, it will provide you with a bit of humor and bit of love after a busy day." - Sunflower Com. Reviewer Astrid