Sunflower Reviews

Kinal - The Disappearance

Reviewer: kinalhariya

Review: The Disappearance 

Client: Jasmlee181

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Title and cover

The title gives off the mysterious vibes, so good job on that.

From the title I could gather that the story revolves around missing cases. Although the blurb mentioned murder cases. If both are intertwined, then this would be a perfect title.

Cover is attractive to see, but it doesn't really tell anything about the story. Apart from that, I would suggest writing the title in the middle instead of putting it at the top.

Blurb

Blurb is really intriguing but it needs to be made more interesting. The same information but written a little differently.

The information provided is really good. It isn't too much but provides a gist of what to expect from the story.

Look out for the switching tenses. The blurb started off with present tense but then it was abruptly switched to past tense.

Prologue,

Nice way to start a prologue. It gives off a dramatic feeling. I would just suggest capitalizing the starting letter.

Short yet very intriguing prologue. It shows us that within the story there are creatures which aren't visible to the human eye. The description of the forest, moon, etc is done really well. It gives off an eerie feeling. I absolutely loved the way Author showed the pleas getting quietened down slowly. The effect given off really connects and makes us imagine the scene. The ending sentence really hit it off.

Look out for these things:

There are too many periods used in almost all the paragraphs. Its use wouldn't have that much effect if it is used everywhere. Also look out for fluctuating tenses.

Moving towards the chapters,

Your writing style seems a little different, with all the sound effects. I am not sure about others, but I personally enjoyed the effects like tap tap tap, snap snap snap, Drrr drrr, etc.

I feel that in chapter three the paragraph starting with Eventually should either come at the start of chapter or it should be in past tense to show that this happened before the dialogues that were written above the paragraph. Because at this moment, what I felt while reading was that they were discussing the case while eating and then they decided to go and eat. This makes the whole situation weird as they were already eating.

(I am not sure if I was able to properly convey what I wanted to say, so let me know if you are confused).

*****

The concept is great but there are few things that seemed unusual to me.

1) They started off the investigation and went to inform the families after such a long time. I understand the first victim couldn't be identified. But the other one, that should have been done as soon as they found out.

2) When both the murders are so different, then how did they come to the conclusion that it was done by the same murderer.

****

Investigation part of the story is good, but there has to be something else other than their discussions. Not too much but some part of the main lead's personal lives can be shown, so that the readers would connect more with them.