seen it all before // 10th spam

it carries my name (II)

it's become a kind of a meme to say that the anime world you'd want to live in is the world from attack on titan because you'd die right away (obviously a suicidal joke). and while i hate to spoil the fun (i don't), i have to say that i view that from a different perspective. i, too, would choose the world from attack on titan to live in. most specifically paradis. but not for the same reason. the reason why i'd want to be born and live there is to give my life a purpose. maybe i romanticize an apocalyptic world. maybe i do. but apocalyptic worlds have always drawn me in. i'd want to dedicate my life to fighting titans beyond the walls. maybe i'd want to know what's beyond the walls. but just the sole purpose of a person who trains from their youth to kill titans is so thrilling and important to me. i'd want it more than anything. waking up every morning just to put on gear and face terrifying monsters to slay them seems like a beautiful dream. whenever i watch/read attack on titan, the most prominent feeling inside me is jealousy that those fictional characters get to live in that world and i don't. maybe i feel this way because real life on this earth is so painfully meaningless that i crave meaning for my life that bad that i'd rather put my life on the line every single day than listen to a lecture in college or meet up with my friends one more time.