seen it all before // 10th spam

i'm learning how to swim.

i wrote this as an instagram caption under a post showing tweets that explain bts' song "euphoria". the song is about suicide awareness.

TRIGGER WARNING
i told you this already, but i always cried while listening to "euphoria". from the first time i heard it. and the reason? because i was so sad, hating life and myself, i cried every day, i self-harmed every day, i was in so much pain everyday. and then there was bts. they were my euphoria. rather than thinking i'd be happier dead where there are no worries and i'm at peace - i started seeing bts as utopia. they started being my wish for peace. i slowly stopped dreaming about death. i started dreaming of happiness with their music softly playing in the background. reassuring me, keeping me safe. the reason why i cried to "euphoria" so much before is because i couldn't believe someone could do that to me. i couldn't believe someone could save me. but there they were. smiling, offering themselves as the sources of my happiness. and i can feel it even now. i'm reaching that point. i'm starting to love life and myself. and i'll be forever grateful to bts for this.