seen it all before // 10th spam

죄송해요, 나의 세상이

we learn from our mistakes. but other take our mistakes as traces in our personality and behavior. mistakes can only be resolved within us, but they're still mistakes to the people on the outside. especially when you're trying to prove yourself to someone. i made three mistakes today. in front of someone i'm trying to so hard to prove myself to.

my first mistake was one that didn't have much effect on my conscience until later. i couldn't understand the schedule of trains that go to our capital city. i needed help with it and i nervously asked my mother for help. help with something so simple and trivial. something i'm supposed to find my own way of understanding. i stood and sat helplessly until i was presented with solutions.

my second mistake kicked in with fear. i misread my schedule and i was almost late for school. i wasn't focused and let other things steal away my thoughts. i worried about other things rather than the only thing that i have to worry about. school. there was still time and i knew that. i was just angry about being late and i couldn't forgive myself for it. tears kept streaming down my cheeks and burning my skin. i went into the bathroom to get ready for school. inside, i cried to the point where i couldn't breathe. i kept choking on my mistake. but choking was better than putting myself through pain. i knew i couldn't go as far as bringing pain upon myself. i just cried. i regretted. my soul pained rather than my body.

my third mistake was the realization. the moment i looked back at the way i reacted at the situation. i panicked. i became nervous and i cried. i'm so upset about that reaction. because i should've stayed calm. because i should've understood.

i'm trying to prove myself. i'm trying to prove myself as someone responsible. today, i made three mistakes in front of the person i'm trying to prove myself to.