seen it all before // 10th spam

stop moving, i want to bawl my eyes out

i'll write in episodes, without direct explanations.

ereyesterday
i walked into the bathroom known as "hell" and i found a coin on the ground. this made me so happy and hopeful that i started to cry. i was inside with a smile on my face, certain i'd be okay. but i wasn't and i started falling apart. i couldn't allow any bad to happen to me. thus i thought as fast as i could and asked my sister to bring me my phone. she did and i started listening to music out loud. "two! three!", "mikrokosmos", "magic shop", "run". it was so calming and helpful. i started to dance and it felt like the scary elements of the bathroom just disappeared.

yesterday & today
i lied down on the edge of my bed when my sister left my bed. i'm still lying on the very edge. there's a large empty spot besides me. because i didn't want her to leave and because it's more comfortable when she's here. we listened to korn and then tchaikovsky and it was oh so beautiful. but now it's over and all that is left is silence. i cannot sleep, but i can't force myself into doing anything else. i'm just writing this now. i've been staring into the darkness for five hours. i'll continue lying on the bed's edge, but i think i should at least try to fall asleep because i'm thinking way too much.

i hate.