seen it all before // 10th spam

feels like heaven pt.2

i wish i could feel more things. not only express my feelings, but also have them at all.

i often find myself in a situation where the people around me find something upsetting, but i'm just cold about it. or there's something that makes people laugh or smile, but i'm still cold. it's not because i want to oppose the feeling others are feeling. it's because whatever made you feel that feeling, didn't make me feel anything.

i spend most of the day feeling nothing at all. or feeling emptiness, if that's something you can feel. it's like everything goes blank for me, but i'm aware of it. aware in a way that i can think a lot, even wildly, but i can't show it because i can't feel it.

i know this is so complicated difficult to understand, but believe me i'm having an even more difficult time trying to explain it properly.