seen it all before // 10th spam

니가 있어

i'm crying because i feel like i'm nearing that again. and that is the feeling of goodbye. it's not goodbye, it's the feeling of it. i've felt goodbye three times, but i've obviously never done it. i feel like i'm nearing it again. i feel like i'm losing it again. i feel like it's becoming too much. but what makes me stop crying is the reminder that i have no reasons whatsoever to feel this way. i have no reasons to be medically sad (see how i dodged "depressed" lol) and i have no reasons to feel like 'something' is 'becoming too much'. i feel these feelings as bullshit. and i hate myself for even daring to feel this way. i don't want to be just another stupid attention seeker on the internet. i want to be scolded for this type of behavior and i want to get back to being normal in silence. i just want to shut up about how i feel and i want to sit down and do the things i love. in silence. no fake feelings.