seen it all before // 10th spam

cold, colder, april.

i set my alarm to 3am in order to study. it's been over twenty minutes since then and i'm still not studying. why? because i have no strength. i can't do it. i'm ripping myself to pieces, one omission at a time. i like to blame my self-harm addiction for how bad i've been feeling lately. i like to tell myself that i've been feeling bad just because i'm having a difficult time keeping my hands away from my scars. but is that the only part? or is there more? how exactly many parts of myself am i destroying?

why can't i see a positive exit to this?