seen it all before // 10th spam

love songs for cherubins

lately, something in the back of my head has been forcing me to be rude to my parents. it's an odd, maybe stupid logic. you see, my parents often rub my shoulder or pat my head saying "you're such a good child". but i don't believe the same. i'm a liar, i cuss, i have sinful thoughts and the list goes on. there's no good in me. the logic is that by being rude i can show them how i'm actually not the good child they think i am. every time after i say something very rude, i ask "am i that good child you always talk about?" and oddly enought they always reply "yes". i don't know why. in those moments, i find that reply very frustrating. and to top that reply of theirs, something in me always forces me to apologize after being rude. i've never left those ugly scenes without apologizing to my parents. those are the apologies they're grateful for, i've learned. i don't like being rude to my parents and i hope the need to prove i'm a bad child goes away soon.