seen it all before // 10th spam

a row of forgotten titles

one of the many reasons why "spring day" makes me cry is hearing the words "보고싶다" ("i miss you") and "you know it all, you're my best friend". why? because there is someone who i miss a lot. i consider that someone as my best friend. but it's a best friend that i never got to get to. she was always so closed, hiding inside of herself, not allowing anyone inside. she would smile very often, she would wear the most ridiculous clothes. she would tell me stories that i no longer understand (did i ever understand them?). i love and cherish all of those stories, even though they are no longer relevant to me (were they ever relevant to me?). she was that friend you never knew you needed. and then she left me, right when i realized how much i actually need her. i briefly remember looking into her eyes for the last time. she was crying, i remember that. she was looking for a way out and i couldn't help her. i couldn't help her because she was always the one rescuing me. she was both the lost one and the rescuing one. and at that one point, the lost part took over. she lost herself and i lost her. my best friend. my savior. the light in my dark tunnel. the person who i considered my hope. she was just gone. now, i miss her. and then there's this song. this song that constantly reminds me of her and makes me miss her even more. it makes me wonder if i'll ever meet her again, if i'll never see her smile again. she was everything to me. without her, i'm a failure. i'm nothing.

she is me.