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MIKROKOSMOS

TABLE OF CONTENTS
Prologue: Stairway To Heaven
Chapter 1: Heat
Chapter 2: We Had Joy, We Had Fun
Chapter 3: Excitement
Chapter 4: Mute
Chapter 5: 11 Minutes
Chapter 6: Courage
Chapter 7: Falling Apart
Chapter 8: Happy & Alone
Chapter 9: No
Chapter 10: Theory Of Everything
Chapter 11: A Scream
Chapter 12: Order
Chapter 13: Thought
Epilogue: Bathroom

PROLOGUE: Stairway To Heaven
"구해줘 날 나도 날 잡을 수 없어"
-방탄소년단의 'Save me'

May 5th 2019, Sunday
I sat in the bathroom, staring at the blue tiles. The blue fades into a light grey on every tile. I've seen them a billion times before. But I couldn't stop staring. And my eyelids grew heavy. But I still stared. Up until I wasn't aware of being alive. The whole time, the heater was on. I have bad memories of it. Last year, on May 2nd, I decided to blame the heater for the fact I had collapsed. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I was aware of what happened last year. Why didn't I just turn it off? I could feel my head growing heavier with each dead second that passed. After a long time, I was finally on the staircase with my sister. I lied to her, saying I had fallen asleep in the bathroom with the heater on and thus explaining my headache. I tend to put myself through little white lies such as that one. I didn't mean to lie, but those were the first words that came up on the staircase. I didn't mention pain anymore that night.

CHAPTER 1: Heat
"싹 다 불태워라"
-방탄소년단의 '불타오르네'

May 6th 2019, Monday
I had to sit down on the edge of the bathroom almost at the very moment I first entered the bathroom at 7AM because the pain in my chest was just being too much. The aggressive heartbeats followed up with a headache and breathing difficulties were so weakening. But not foreign. No, they were actually very familiar. Familiar to the point where I should've rolled my eyes. Blood pressure were the first words that came into my mind. And when I arrived to the breakfast table, I looked like an embodiment of death. My blood pressure was extremely high and Mama insisted I stay home. I listened to her advice and reached the living room couch. I lay there and try to sleep while Mama takes my sister to school. But it's impossible to fall asleep. I was frowning, angry at my sick heart. But I was too weak to lead inner arguments and thus managed to fall asleep.

CHAPTER 2: We Had Joy, We Had Fun
"Goodbye my friend, it's hard to die"
-Terry Jacks' 'Seasons In The Sun'

May 6th 2019, Monday
What woke me up was the sound of Mama's phone. My heart was calmer and breathing was easier. From then on, I seemed a little dazed (I don't know why). But I was okay. I laughed and spent fun time with my sister. Everything was okay. I was so glad the pain had let me go so quickly. I enjoyed everything I did with my sister that afternoon. A funny moment was definitely showing Mama a Vine compilation.

CHAPTER 3: Excitement
"너만큼 나도 많이 무서워"
-방탄소년단의 지민의 'Serendipity'

May 7th 2019, Tuesday
I woke up at 3:17AM to finish reading the book we were going to talk about in class on the same day. I had began reading during the spring holidays, but I never took it into my hands again. I really enjoyed it. I loved it. And I was so excited to talk about it in class. As Mama and I drove to school, I saw my Croatian teacher walking to the school. I jokingly said that I hope she'll give me an excellent grade because I spent the night reading it. However, in class, she never noticed my hand. I didn't say a single word. I was so disappointed and my heart was starting to kick harder.