seen it all before // 10th spam

that crunch when you kill that giant bug in your room

today, my parents literally bragged to our family friends that my current hairstyle has helped my health a lot. after i spent years begging them to let me have this hairstyle because i wanted to take proper care of my health and i didn't want to be in pain. whenever i begged, my mother said i'd be ugly with this hairstyle and i should put my looks before my health. now, i have that hairstyle (mostly bc i'm eighteen aka legal) and they used it to say my health has gotten a lot better. maybe if they let me get it earlier, my health would've gotten better earlier? maybe i wouldn't've fucking relapsed into self-harm? maybe i would've felt more comfortable in my skin earlier? how the fuck do you say "looks before health" into my face but brag about how my choice of looks has helped my health? fuck off.

i don't want to turn this into two chapters, so i'll just tell y'all that i'd planned on staying up all night and doing whatever (watching smth on the tv/laptop, reading a book, doing smth on my phone...), but it's really been a very long day. i've honestly enjoyed a great part of it, but there was a fair bunch of shitty moments (the one described above being one of them). i actually don't feel tired/sleepy, but i feel the wish to have a good night's sleep. i'll set an alarm and carpe diem my way through these two weeks i'm gonna spend without my sister.

oh, tea... i'll change muffin's water tomorrow. we arrived home when it was almost 11pm and i just didn't find the time to do it today. will do it first thing in the morning. neptun and muffin miss you, but not as much as i do <3 take care