Falling into a normal routine was hard.
It was easier to get homework done and to keep the bills up to date, but I felt empty inside.
I haven't been eating and have hardly slept. Guilt was eating me alive since I knew my siblings weren't in a loving or caring environment.
I missed having them around and showing them how much I cared for them.
Every day was a battle with myself to not get in the car and go find them. It was also a battle to not find any pills to take.
I had slipped up a couple times in the past week but I was fighting. I refused to just let myself fall back into that life.
Mike officially asked me out the other day which was weird but I said I would be his girlfriend.
It was hard to be in a real relationship again because I wasn't ready to do a lot of coupley things.
Obviously my last relationship ended horribly and I didn't want to go through that again.
I couldn't go through that again.
"Ready, babe?" Mike asked as I put my jacket on. "Yep." I said as he opened the front door. "Where are we going?" I asked as he grinned and took my hand.
"There's a neighborhood that has some amazing Halloween decorations. I thought you would like to see them." Mike said as I nodded.
"Sounds like fun." I said as he opened the passengers seat to his cop car.
"Oooo, we're riding in the cop car?" I asked as he nodded.
"Yeah, I thought it would be fun." He said with a shrug. Once we were in the car we drove a couple streets over.
Like Mike said, there were amazing Halloween decorations at every house. I tried to enjoy looking at them but all I could think about was how much my siblings would enjoy this.
We would be getting them ready for Halloween if they were with me. I would have taken them trick or treating no matter how tired I was.
I could basically hear Juniper's giggle ringing in my ears.
It broke my heart.
We drove in silence, just looking at the displays. It wasn't an awkward silence though. It was peaceful.
Neither of us felt like we needed to talk.
I found myself being more silent lately. It was hard to open up or talk about what happened and I didn't want to talk about anything else.
Most of my days were lonely and silent but it was what I deserved at this point.
"Octavia, are you in the area?" A voice asked, coming from the radio. "What going on?" Mike asked as I bundled my sleeves in my hands.
"We need backup. West street, headed south bound." The voice said as Mike nodded. "On my way." He said then turned his sirens on.
"Sorry." He said as I shook my head. "Don't worry about it." I said and looked out the window.
We sped down the road, the sirens blaring from above us.
When we got to the location of the crime, Mike got out of the car and looked at me.
"Stay here. Don't move." He said as I nodded. This wasn't the first time I have been on a ride along with Mike so I knew to stay where I was.
It was funny being on the opposite side of the crime world. I remember the day I was taken by the guys in LA I was told to sit in the car while they did some illegal shit.
