I didn't mean to be so difficult around Colby.
I felt so bad that I was pulling away from him, being scared of every move he made. It was just so hard getting back to normal after such a traumatic few months.
I found myself slowly starting to get more comfortable around him, craving his affection.
He was always so gentle and made me feel safe. Anytime he was away, I would get nervous.
Even tonight when he went to shower for five minutes, I thought someone would come take me.
It was going to take a while to get back to normal but I was proud of myself for the steps I was taking.
Sleeping was peaceful until the nightmares started, causing me to bolt awake, trembling.
I looked around the unfamiliar room, feeling the panic set in even more.
I noticed that I was alone in the bed.
Where was Colby?
I whimpered, pulling my legs to my chest, rocking back and forth as burning hot tears trickled down my face.
I felt paralyzed as my chest heaved in and out, a full panic attack coursing through my body.
When I heard a door open, I closed my eyes. I was scared to see the person that was there.
"Jules?" Colby asked with concern. "Hey..shhh..you're okay." He said and rushed over to me. "Where were you?" I wailed as he sat in front of me.
"I was in the bathroom, I'm sorry." He said as I shook my head.
"Where were you?" I asked again, choking on the sobs that were wrecking my chest.
I didn't realize how damaged I was that Colby didn't come get me from that horrible place for so long.
I wasn't mad because I didn't want him to put himself in danger, but part of me wondered why he waited so long when he knew I wasn't safe.
"Julia.." Colby whispered as he held my head to his chest, running his fingers through my hair gently.
"Where were you?" I sobbed out for the third time. "I'm sorry, Julia. I'm so fucking sorry." Colby said with a distressed tone.
Was he getting emotional?
Colby hardly ever showed much emotion around anyone. Occasionally I would get little glances of it but right now his voice was thick with sorrow.
I pulled away and looked at him to see a look of dispair on his face.
"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." He said and wiped my tears with his thumb.
"This is all my fault. Do you understand that? You didn't do anything to deserve this torture, and I would give anything to take it from you." He said quietly, looking into my eyes.
"Colby.." I whispered as he shook his head. "Don't make excuses for me. I should fought harder for you, and I didn't. I let all of this happen." Colby said and wiped the tears from my cheeks.
"And I'm sorry." He said as I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. "I forgive you." I whispered, looking into his eyes.
This was the most intimate moment we have shared in a long time, and it honestly felt nice.
I was sick of being afraid and broken, but I had a feeling it was going to get worse before it got better.
"Come here." Colby whispered and pulled me closer, laying down. He held me tightly, making me feel secure.
