My head was aching. Tears were constantly forming, stinging my eyes.
I was a complete mess.
I couldn't form any words, even if I wanted to. There was a deep seeded fear that if I spoke out of turn that Colby would make me go back to that horrible place.
He was being so gentle though, watching me carefully as I cut up the pancakes he ordered me this morning.
Sam was here, but even he didn't want to speak. We all sat in silence, eating the food in front of us.
I knew this was tearing Colby apart. He sat up with me all night, not backing down from his promise.
When I wanted to be alone he respected it, and was more than willing to prove that he was here for me.
It didn't make any of this less scary though.
Any moment he could turn on me.
When we finished eating I took the long sleeves of the sweatshirt I was wearing and bundled it in my hands.
I wanted to get up and go back to my little hiding spot that wasn't so hidden, but I didn't want to draw more attention to myself.
My mind kept going back to the fear I felt everytime someone would come into my room.
Everytime they were inviting a strange man in there to violate me.
I was strong for so long but I had fully convinced myself that I would never get out of that situation.
I never expected to be sitting here in total silence with Sam and Colby, neither of them wanting to speak out of fear of breaking me more.
"I guess I should head out then." Sam said, breaking the silence as he stood up.
"Okay, man. Try to get some rest. Thanks for your help." Colby said then stood up to walk him towards the door.
"Of course, I'll see you later." Sam said then looked over at me. "Proud of you, Jules." He said with a grin then waved before leaving the apartment.
I watched as Colby locked the door then turned and looked at me.
"You tired?" He asked as I nodded. "Okay, let's get you to bed then. Did you want me to sleep on the couch? Would that make you more comfortable?" He asked as he came over to me, holding his hand out.
I didn't know what to say. I wanted him to comfort me since while I was taken that was all I wanted, but something wasn't letting me.
I didn't know if I was ready to sleep in the same bed as someone.
I nodded, watching as his face fell slightly. In the back of my head I knew I was being ridiculous.
Colby was my boyfriend and the love of my life, he should be allowed to sleep in the same bed as me like we had done hundreds of times.
I just couldn't get passed the mental block.
"Okay, let's get you situated." He said then led the way back into the bedroom.
I sat on the bed and got under the covers. This bed was much bigger and was way more comfortable than the one I had been sleeping on so I felt guilty to make Colby sleep on the couch.
"I'll just be in the other room if you need anything, okay?" Colby asked as I nodded.
"I love you." He said then kissed my head. I felt my eyes water as he turned and left the room because I felt so bad.
He didn't deserve to be in a relationship with someone who couldn't even form words.
He was being so patient but I could tell it was killing him.
