"I got you your favorite." Colby said and held up the container of Chinese food.
"Thanks." I whispered and went to go sit in the living room.
"Have you eaten since I left?" Colby asked as I shook my head.
I couldn't keep anything down. I didn't know if it was because of the pregnancy or because of the nerves I was constantly feeling.
I was just starting to get comfortable with Colby but even then it was very hit or miss.
When he left today I freaked out a little bit, thinking he was gonna die.
I knew it was horrible to think that but I couldn't imagine how many eyes were on him now.
I didn't even want to think about the eyes that were on me.
The thought alone would send me into a panic.
"Let's try to get some food in you." Colby said then brought over a bowl with some sesame chicken in it.
I looked down at it, feeling my stomach churn. "Just one bite, Jules. That's all I can ask for." Colby said and sat next to me.
I felt bad because he was trying so hard. It wasn't fair to him that I was being so standoffish, but I couldn't help it.
Every time he touched me it felt like I was about to be abused. It brought me back to those moments of having to accept what was about to happen to me.
I knew Colby wasn't going to take advantage of me, because he never has.
Even when he didn't like me, he never did anything like that.
I thought about when we went to Vegas for the first time and I had gotten drunk.
He could have had sex with me and I wouldn't have known. I trusted him when he said he didn't.
Even when he was a raging dick, he was respectful of me.
Why couldn't I see that now?
Why did he scare me every time he reached his hand towards me.
It was all so complex. When he was gone, I was scared he would never come back. When he was here, I was scared to be near him.
I just wanted to go back to how things were before.
It was just going to take some time.
I sighed then got a forkful of food, bringing it to my mouth. It tasted really good and my stomach was rumbling with hunger but I just didn't know if I would be able to keep it down.
Colby sighed with relief then leaned back into the couch. I could tell he was tired and I couldn't blame him.
He usually didn't get very good sleep when he was sleeping on the couch and a lot of his energy was spent trying to help me.
I felt so bad.
I forced the food down, since it would make Colby happy.
I knew it was hurting him seeing me like this but I couldn't help it. Everything was just scary right now.
"Jules." Colby said, catching my attention. I flinched and looked over at him. "I didn't mean to scare you." He said quietly.
"You didn't." I lied. He didn't need to feel bad for my jumpiness.
"Did you want this now or later?" He asked and held up a pint of ice cream.
"Later." I said, knowing if I had it I would definitely throw it up.
