30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 1

There are many circumstances in life and of course many things will be different when you hit 30 years old. I hit my 30 when July in this year and that's really nervous feeling I got. I even search many title like "30 years old crisis for female" cause I know we and male just had different thought for it. And it's have many weird feeling and scared too for sure.

Now I think I am already 30 years  and 3 month old. I cant believe I hit this age. Actually I see at article I told you before, many people said their 30th yo full of surprise but seems it's not for me. I am still same. I had crisis too but it's ended too fast and then I know nothing happen with my life. Flat.

"Ok, I will read some of that genre" I adjust my position in lie down position with handphone in my hands. I scrolling manga I liked. I am busy for this month and doesn't have time for read manga I liked. So, here I am read smut manga and even near to po** category. Ok, not near, it's that category.

I had this secret. Many times actually I read many genre of manga but for sure for sometimes of that "manga time", it's impossible not to read it. It's had crazy visual, soo yeah I am in.

"Ok, lets read this one" I open one of that steamy category manga. One chap. Hmm okay not bad. Two chap, three chap, and then I am already at 10th chap of that series.

"Hmm, just that. Seems I need to read other manga with same category" I read again other story with same genre. Hen**i. One chap, two chap, three chap. I am feeling bored. Hmm, I dont know what happen but it's usual for me to feel that steamy feeling and even get orgasm with that but today after some day not read it, i's got me wrong feeling.

"Seems I need to watch anime hen**i" And then I open vpnblock and watch some of that genre. Just 10 minutes, I give up. Just one feeling for sure, I am feeling sick and wanna vomit. Weird. Actually I am not this hard to please if come to that thing. What is this?

"I dont get it. It's became soo disgusting" No no, I am actually not like this. What happen actually? I dont wanna lose even that 'heaven'. Ugh. I feeling nausea and then go to the bathroom. I wanna vomit but not even something will come out from my mouth. I got feeling like someone hit my head in the back too.

"Seems it's not like my mood wanna to do it"

I just open my phone and search about thing like "can't get orgasm", "cant feel anything when watch po**", " I am thirty and seems I dont have sex desire", or even "how to know I am axesual or not". Soo random.

But suddenly, idea about being asexual just haunt me to search more about this thing. I go to YouTube and other platform too. Even read some manga with that theme. The more I search the more that criteria on me. This is bad.

"No, no I am normal. Haha" But when I lie down and think again. Ahh, I never been in relationship until now. I refuse many men. I just had stupid first love crush in my second year of high school. It even not end with relationship. Soo poor.

"Ugh, my stomach just sick thingking too hard about this. It's better if I just had sleep" I close my eyes but then it's opened again

"Female at series like that always had everything big" I just rumble things. Ask myself why they must made women at that series had everything "big". Breast, thighs, butt. Heeh, I see my self from head to toe. I am like dry pollack here, help.

And men at that series just have their "things" big and had abs and of course handsome and rich and dont forget they like a jerk. Like heck men like that will real in reality. I remember men who happen chase me in the past.

"Not even inch they had that male characteristics" Soo funny. Why I even like that things in the first place? I open my eyes bigger. It's just not real things. Wait, why I even had this negative mind. Before I never had refuse or even think about this much. No, orgasm its normal. But the problem is now I am not even had mood to do it even after watch or read steamy manga?

"I cant even hug one men in my life except my father and brother. I wanna had fantasy about sex too!!" Ugh, I rumbled things when suddenly my head hurts

"I dont even had boyfriend who can hug me. Now, even wanna had that fun activities just soo disgusting for me"

I get up from bed and walk inside the house. See to the outside. After read that steamy things, I just being scared and think how if someone come and raped me. I even think men just animal who wanna eat women. They just scary in general. I dont wanna being a sex object for them. My feelings just mixed up and reached tragic conclusion "I hate men"

I sit and thinking about absurd idea which come to my mind.

"I dont wana that species touch me, grope me and put their things on me" If that the case then how I can get married?

I am in my deep thinking. Many idea and philosophy come to me.

So what? If I dont have to marry, I dont have to raise kid, dont have to push my self just to being loved. I dont have to get nervous when men will touch me. After all, they will not get that chance. Aww, win win.

"I will just live alone with my money. I will just do whatever I want without men. Hahaha"

Suddenly my phone rings. It's my female friend. She said she will be married next year. I look at my screen for long time before I press accept button

"Yeah, Maika here~~"

"What are you doing?"

"Just got brilliant idea, you know. My friend Misaki, I will not engaged with anyone"

"What is this topic again?"Misaki tone just like she actually do when she is tired with my deep philosophy. Ohh, she just never in my level

"Married. That things not for me.  I dont need men. Wohoo"

"Are you out of your mind" I just silent after hearing her response.

"No married. Welcome to the freedom"

"I ask, what are you reading again. You always got wrong idea about life. If you not tell me, I will hang up now"I bite my lips. Hmm

"Actually, you know" And then I just tell her my story about what happen today

"You need to see psychologist" Again. She always said like this when I tell her something

"I think not that far"

"You need. Every women need to be married include you. You already 30. Think about this thing and stop too much negotiate with that idea" When I am already had cool idea, she always in my way

"Ok, I will trying search for decent men"

"You know, I had male friend. Maybe I can introduce them to-" I just cut off our convo and shut off my phone. Always like this.Hhh. I think idea about I dont need marriage life just perfect. I will just stick to it. Yatta...