30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 38

I lay down on my bed and look at the ceiling. Thinking about how bad my feelings now. I sigh and tears flow from my eyes again. It's hurt. I think I will feeling relieved with this. The result is I am being depressed instead. I don't know what the right thing to do. This is so tiring.

"You are here?"Huh. I look at the door and Misaki come to my way. Damn, I think everyone still on the hall. I got here when no one around, so Misaki presence made me surprised. But my tears keep flowing and I am too tired to even wipe it again. I don't know my decision can made me not even have stamina to moves.

"Just ignore my presence"I put both of my arms on my face, close it.

"I see for what happen in the hall"

"Ah, damn"I lose my control again.  But I don't have time and brain to think, until let my guard down at that time.

"Hey, you did perfectly. It's just me and my boyfriend stand up outside the back door. I don't see you crying, but I see you rest your back on him. I see his stunned while massages your hands. And then you leave while running"I open my arms, gaze at her. It's summary all of the incident. I am ruined. I will became a joke tomorrow.

"My boyfriend doesn't know about it. It's just happen I am at the angle who can see it all. Both of you at the blind spot of the hall. Don't worry"I sigh as a relief.

"Your boyfriend not saying anything?"She shakes her heads. After that, both of us silent. My tears keep coming up. Annoying.

"Is it him?"I grind my teeth and nodded a bit. Letting out a sigh. It's feel soo weight on my chest.

"Which made you crying last time?"

"Yeah. I am dumb and pitiful for likes him"I am trying stop my tears with pouted. It's not useful.

"Not at all. Stop labelled yourself like that"I look at her for a second and turn my face away from her. She will not understand, I murmuring that to my self.

"Right. We are not same"I wipe my tears randomly. Not even care to wipe it clearly. After all, it's will be out again. It's just waste my energy.

"You know, it's rare to find person you love deeply at this school. Even me think your feelings is a genuine one. We are being a couple not because we love them. It's same with my case. Loving someone with real feelings of me. I don't have the braveness and time to do it. Maybe this will made you annoyed, but I am envious of your feelings. It's hurt, but at least you know you loves him not because you don't have a choice. You choose him. It's different, Maika. That's why i even tell you before, right? It's will be hard for you even in the future. I know it's sounds funny. Maybe he is your first love"She look at me while smiling. Her eyes seems watery.

I sigh, "I give up"

"Is that so?"

"Hm, I am tired"Tears falls again. Uh, until when my tears will stop coming out?

"But I am feeling unsure now. But if I keep-"I am wailing. Tears coming out together with it. I close my eyes, let my guard down in front of Misaki and crying like a child who want get her wish.

I want him. I really want he likes me back. I want him just look at me. I want him being mine only. I don't wanna he stuck on his feelings to Sakura. I wanna being a couple with him, like another people on our school.

"I want him"I am wailing again. My shoulder move up and down, same with my voice which keep coming out from my mouth. I don't know likes him can be this hurt. Now, I don't know what to do. Just some moment ago, I said I wanna give up. Now, I wanna go back there and tell him to trying love me instead of Sakura. I wanna try everything I can, just to made him stay with me.

"I hate my self, Misaki"I put back my arms to close my face. Wailing again. Seriously, I don't know deeply what I want actually. I am confused.

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"Maika, you seems got a fever. Are you sure you wanna follow our schedule today?"I tying my shoelace when Fei touch my forehead. She seems worried. Same with Misaki and Siri.

"You can rest. I will tell Mia about your condition"Siri give me a pitiful look.

"It's okay. It's no good to leave my task. After all, it's just follow the coordinate. No need to bring weight tools"Our task today onwards is to find the coordinate which given by our teachers. Mia is my team mate, same with Liam. I don't know about the rest. I can see they sigh when I told them. After all of them get out from the rooms, Misaki back again and take out something from her pencil case.

"Eat this medicine"It's paracetamol.  I take it from her. Misaki keep stay until I drink it.

"You are such a headstone, Maika. I think it's just a lie when Fei told me, seems it's not. Are you okay now?"I nodded and give her a little smile. I don't have energy for being a bright person today. I can feel my body is warm than usual. I am feeling dizzy too. But I need to go. At least, I can escape from my sadness if I got busy.

"Then I am leave. Be careful"

"Hm"I stare at Misaki backs when she finally leave our room.

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"You know what happen between Suguru and Hirata, Maika?"Liam talking to me when we have our rest time. He give me a bottle of water when I still eating my lunch.

"What's wrong?"

"They punch each other"Uhuk. Some of my rice coming out from my mouth because surprised by his words.

"Are you okay? Drink your water. By the way, are you okay yourself? You seems tired since beginning"Liam stare at me when I open my bottle and drink. Suddenly, my head start getting hurt.

"Just a little fever. Dunno why I must get it"

"Maybe you will got your period?"I look at him, annoyed. Is it normal for men to talk about this freely? Guy in our alumni just weird. But it's made me remember Hirata's attention again. I need to get out from this feeling trap.

"It's already finished. So, you know why both of them fight?"

"That's why I am asking you now. I close with Suguru. When I asked him, he doesn't even wanna talk it out with me. That's happen after our gatherings in the hall ended. They fight on our dorm, in my room with Suguru. I arrived bit late and they already grabbing each others collars while their mouth bleeding. It's just me and Lin who's see it. Everyone still busy chatting outside"Ugh, my stomach crumble. Maybe the end of period effects. What if it's caused by me? I am gulped. Feelings nervous.

"I don't know. They still okay last time when we are together in the hall"I force my smile to him.

"Right? I know it. So why?"I bite my lips.

"And you know what? They are in one team now. It's must be awkward"Liam continue his word and back eating again. I keep silent and looked down when Liam finish his words. I need to talk about this with Hirata. Maybe I can giving back his jacket too. That's a good excuse to meet and interrogate him.