30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 69

I open the door when I see Siri, Misaki and Fei still gathering at our room. They stopped talking when I entered the room. What? They talk about me?

"You're here. We're just talking about you now"At least, hide it!! I give them menacing eyes.

"You guys gossiping me now?"They seem startled when I say that. See their reaction made me worry again. I am over the line?

"Sorry"They give me a confused face.

"Why do you need to say sorry?"I looked away when Fei asked me.

"Hmm, I'm still not used to my new self. I wonder and always worry if people will accept me or not. After all, I think no one would like someone without requirements, right?"Suguru's face showed in my mind again. Yah, maybe he's one of them. I sighed.

"What's that? You transformed as robot now?"Eh

"Really?"I answered Misaki's question with a nervous tone.

"Are you stupid? We're joking. It's just a joke. Get it?"Siri talking now. All of them can't stop staring at me like a thing in the museum.

"Ah"I let out a sigh.

"You seem become a worry-wrat after trying to have normal behaviour"Misaki said 'normal' word with an overreaction.

"Well, I don't know too why I became like this"I looked down. Can be accepted by Suguru or Siri not guarantee everything.

"Hey! Stop that! Don't overthink everything. You just put yourself in a hard condition. So weird"Ah. I pushed my smile for what Fei said to me.

"Maika, it's right we talked about you. But it's just we're happy you changed and added healthy habits in your life. That's it. Not like we badmouthed or thought you're weird"Siri gave me a reassurance. Made me a bit calm.

"It's okay if you guys think I'm weird. I feel like that too"No one talks. I can see three of them glance at each other.

"Well, if you insist. But weird doesn't mean we think you're outcast"Misaki talk now. By the way, my eyes roam around the room and don't see Lusia.

"Where is Lusia?"They seem surprised by my words.

"You forgot things too? Lusia is rarely at here. She's often in Fifi's room"Fei answered my question. Oh, right! OMG, seems I am easily lost focus too now? Sounds bad.

"I lost focus"

"Seems you are. By the way, what's the matter with Suguru earlier?"I looked away from Siri when she asked me. It's a bit embarrassing to tell this.

"Really? Suguru keeps coming at her?"Misaki can't hide her excitement.

"Well, I don't feel it's a new thing. He's always consistent, right?"All of them nodded for what's Fei said.

"Is it a bad thing?"I looked at them and they got silent for a moment.

"No - not really I think? Right?"Misaki looks at Siri and Fei, but both of them look elsewhere, can't look at my side too. Like I expected.

"Ugh, I feel like vomitting"Just earlier, I enjoyed the moment with Suguru. But I need to slap my face again, I like another man.

"Hey, be calm! Everything can be solved. First"All of us look at Siri.

"You like Suguru?"I back off. Well, I can say surely last time, but now I don't have too much confidence to say 'No'. As I don't give a voice, all of them get silent too.

"Not even a bit?"Siri like repeat her question. Make me think maybe there are things like that?

"I think not. Maybe I have it? Well, with some changes in my life, I got confused with my feeling. I am not sure"

"Well, it's not like you got amnesia, right?"I pouted when Misaki said that. Such a harsh answer.

"How to say it, I feel like everything is new. To be honest, I want to go home right now. It's better if I move from here and register for a new school"I said that desperately. At least, at my hometown I don't need to think something difficult like this. I'm already tired. I'm really bad with humans I think.

"When the national exam will come? I think there aren't schools which want to accept you"It's Misaki again. Gosh, can she be gentle with me?

"She's right, Maika. And it's such a pity you want to get out of this school. Don't you know, job acceptance for our alumni is higher than normal school?"Fei stares at me, makes me look away. Well, it's not like I don't know it. I'm aware about that fact. I know that's the big reason why my parents made me enter this boarding school. With a false hope to get a new environment or new friends or maybe as I am bored at my hometown, I came here. But the reality hits me and I am sure I can say I don't favour this place too much. With that darkness in my heart right now, staying here makes me feel guilty.

"Well, you're right. So, maybe it's better if Suguru doesn't like me"I sat at the edge of my bed and looked down. Suddenly, picture of Fifi crying in front of me last time appears again. My decision to let Suguru stay at my side, without giving him such a certainty. How can I face Fifi with a mind like this?

"How to act around Fifi?"I can't help but say it.

"Well, you liked it or not, Suguru chose you over her. There is nothing you can do"Really? Fei's words make me feel down. That's right but for sure it's not the right thing to do.

"Maybe as you feel like everything new now, it's not bad to evaluate your feelings again. To be honest, I still don't get why you like Hirata in the first place. But sometimes we can move on if one person stays by our side. Heart can change, Maika. So, open your heart and feel it"

"Fei is right, Maika. You can try it and be honest with yourselves. Maybe everything can change"I smiled for Misaki's words. I hope like that. That's why I feel a bit scared to meet Hirata from now on. Will everything fall again if I meet him after trying to be normal like this? There is a little hope inside me who wished my feelings for him are a fake one or just a random event in my life and i can get rid of it now.