30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 51

After several hours back focused on study again with sorrow feelings come in between, I am finally finished my study session and get out from the library.

"Huh, my head feels hot"Maybe too much input, between study and my gloomy feelings. I can't lie, it's hard to concentrate while trying hard to hold my tears from falling. Or even slap my self to go back to my feet again. I let out a big sigh. I'm still weak.

"Eh, is it Suguru?"I see him sitting down on the floor which is in front of the laboratories. It's beside the library, just separate with a little road in between. I look around and there's no one outside now. Maybe some in the classroom or even in their bedroom now. I see my phone. It's 11 PM. Fifi is not with him too. They are still fine, right? After I left them together. But, somehow I feel relieved to see him here, dunno why. And for the feeling comes to me, I feel like a bad one here.

"You here?"He turned at me with bigger eyes. Maybe he is surprised or relieved? Which one?

"Are you finished?"I nodded. I saw him rest his cheek on his hand before I came, so he was studying. But why do it here? It's just him alone and lots of mosquitoes here too.

"Study?"I sit beside him, look at the material book he already scribbled it. Woah, he finished many questions.

"Hmm, I finished some questions while waiting for you to come out of the library"I am stunned. So, he is waiting for me. Since when? Why doesn't he come inside?

"Where is Fifi? You were with her last time, right?"

"Ah, her? I am being honest with my feelings for her. I know her intention and want that to stop"My eyes widened. Huh? I thought they're just fine last time.

"How come?"My tone is getting higher. See his surprised face, I bite my lips. It's not my right to control what he wants to say to Fifi. It's his decision.

"Ah, sorry. I'm just worried. I'm a women, so does she. So, where is she now?"

"Maybe back to your dorm. I saw her crying. After a few minutes looking on it, she stood up and left me. She asked me to wait until she finished her crying, so I did. Don't think other thing happen than that! I am always honest with you" I won't. It's good Suguru at least comforts her. That's must hurt for Fifi.

"Thank you"

"For what?"He stared at me for a while and looked above.

"For leaving me with her"Ah. Somehow, I feel heavy. I left him and spent my time with Hirata, then in the end the guy I liked leaving me too. It's a karma for me.

"So, you finished your business with her?"

"I am already clear with her. But if she still wants to be close with romantic intentions, I can't cast her out"I stare at him. Such a kind guy. Why isn't it him? It's got to be better and easier.

"I see it"I am gulped and look at him in heavy thought.

"Sorry. I never planned like that. We met and -"

"But he left you at the end. For who?"I chuckle. It's happened for some times now. Suguru just looks at me, doesn't even comment for it.

"I am such a pity, isn't it?"I bite my lips, trying to hold my tears, but he doesn't even respond for me. One drop of tears came out of my eyes. I wipe it fast.

"Want using my shoulder?"My gaze locks on his face. Then looked down. No, I can't let my broken heart become a burden for my relationship with him. For now, I am feel more grateful as his presence, whatever my condition is.

"Can I borrow your chest instead? I want to rest there"I stare at him who seems startled. I pouted my lips. I don't know why I need to do this! I look like a cheap women now.

"Are you sure? I can lend it to you. But, are you okay with that?"I smiled a bit when he seemed confused. It's must be a shock for him. But if I think again, I never give him a thanks for his presence. He's always with me, even in our hometown. I am sad, I am heart broken, even when I went with other man too. He's always the same, staying beside me. If heart can be changed easily, I will choose him rather than Hirata.

"Hm. Don't do anything weird"

"Of course. You can rest in peace"He is jolting when I rest my head on his chest and take a deep breath while closing my eyes after that. I can even hear his heartbeat. It's keep beating fast. I smile again. Does he really like me?

"Sorry"I had to say this, after all of the things he is done for me, more than the guy I liked. That guy kept going and coming in suddenly, made me not feel safe. But when with Suguru, I am always feels safe, I am never anxious he will leave or not.

"You don't have to say it. It's my decision"I see he rests both of his hands in the back. Supporting the weight of my head and his body to keep it upright. I chuckle for it. If I think it clearly without including my feelings on Hirata, isn't it cute? His attitude for me.

"So, what did Fifi say to you?"He hummed and was in silence. It's gotta be hard for him too.

"She never thinks all the gossip about me who likes her is wrong. She says it's so embarrassing for her. Can I keep the rest of it as a secret?"

"Hm. It's her privacy"

"You would keep trust me for that?"I keep in silence. These thoughts come to me. It's never disturbed me at all. How evil I am!

"I'm bad, Suguru"I mean it. He can get another nicer girl than me. Including Fifi.

"I know. You seem happy with him"I am gulping again.

"But somehow, I can't stop to wait for you until your feeling for him less than before"I can't guarantee that. I close my eyes again for his words.

"I feel sorry for you, but it's so relieving when I see you here. It's weird"

"Then, it's okay. Being a man who can make you relieve, that's enough for me now. If you're tired, at least I could be one of your choices when that happen"I take a deep breath and let it out while resting on his chest again. I feel so calm right now.