30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 34

I just walk faster to the clothes horse through the side door of dorm building and sit down behind the laundry which hanging on the line. Dorm is quiet now cause many people still checking on our friend whom lost in the forest. Maybe their close friend or maybe their boyfriend or girlfriend. So, I think no one will listen to my crying sound if that happens.

I sighed cause feeling relieved with that fact. I see Hirata jacket at the side of the line. At this place its need time to dry our laundry cause humid temperature, that's why it's still hanging on there.

"How can I give back his jacket? I don't wanna meet him again if I can. I mean if it's just me and him again-"I sighed and my eyes feel warm. Just in time I will crying again.

I remember again Hirata face when he is back to his sense after we tease each other. He can't go further than that or maybe he will regret for what happen in the terrace. Ah, it's embarrassing. I squating while comb my hair to the back with my hands and it's ended with held my head.

"How can I be brave like that?"I bite my lips. Trying hard to control my tears, so it's not falling down. But I am failed. Tears just rolled down on my face. I don't know what exactly I am feeling this time. But I know it's have embarrassment, low self-esteem and feeling stupid. I can't help but blame my self.

"I am already enough with this, but why I still have confidence?"Ugh, I am sobbing now. I look around and no one here, so I letting go my hidden emotion. It's need to be released after all. So, after tired crying, I hope my stupid trait stopped here.

"But why he need to play along? He can't stop himself too and draw a line. What the heck with his attention?"Remember how touched I am when he give me medicine and painkiller drink enough to made me look stupid. But is it normal, right? It's not just me, it's him too whom stupid here. We can be together but why it's soo hard for him. I am sobbing again. It's soo hurt inside. I hate this feeling but I know I need to face it.

"Why he doesn't wanna try? After all, Sakura has boyfriend. He doesn't have someone with him too now. Even just as replacement, I am okay with it. Why?"I talk to my self again. Annoyed with his attitude. He pay attention to me but in the end he hesitate because of Sakura. What the hell he thinks he can do? He doesn't have a chance.

"Ugh, soo stupid"Tears flowing down. I squat in my place while sobbing too much. I am not trying to cover my face, I don't care now. I wanna sink with emotion I had now.

"He can choose me. I know he likes me too. Its not enough?Ugh"I grind my teeth, angry and annoyed came at the same time. I think if he doesn't have thing for me, why he need trouble himself search for medicine and drink to lessen my pain, why he need to give me help in the forest at this noon. Why he act like he doesn't like Suguru around me? Why? He play with me? Thinking about this just made me annoyed for sure. I can't stop question his action towards me. Is it just my imagination again? Shiit.

"We can trying. Why you hesitate?"I am sobbing like a kid. My heart just torn into pieces. It's like he lift and throw down my heart so easily. But more than what he did to me, I hate my self more. For being easily played by him again. He play with me or being honest? Thinking about that made me dizzy, but I just sobbing with my condition. I am pitiful. I hate that fact. I am tired treated like this.

"Ugh. It's hurt"Someone voice just made me stop crying and get up from squatting. Oh God, I am in trouble. I sharpen my vision to the source of that voice. And there are Siri which still hold her phone on her ears. I look at her face, is a mess. Seems she is crying too. When she realize I caught his expression, she put down her phone in her pocket and walk towards me.

"Sorry, I wanna be alone. Just ignore me"I said that while put one of my hands in front of my self as a sign to stop coming at my direction. She stopped cause that.