30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 53

"You seem blank"I look at Futaba with exhausted expression, then sighs.

"I am just a bit surprised"Both of us sitting down at the back of the building hall. Futaba buys me cold drink and bread. I just take the drink. Don't have appetite to chew anything.

"What did he want to do to you?"I gave him a confused eyes. Don't ask me! Even I was surprised.

"Dunno. He doesn't say anything when pulls me closer"

"Not push him?"I let out a deep sigh. Don't ask me more. I take a sip of my drink.

"Sorry. You seem to want to cry" I look away from him. That's scary me. I don't know men can be that harsh to me. Suguru did touch me too before, but he wasn't that pushy. I'm scared, Yuichii wants to kiss me. Ugh...

"Maybe it's my fault too. I am careless and talk without thinking"Futaba kept silent. I peek at him and he sips his drink while monitoring my expression. Somehow I felt older brother figure from him. I am relieved.

"What were you told at him until it's ended like that?"I tried to remember what Yuichii said before.

"I tested him? He said that. I said he needed to look for another girl than me. It's better"Suddenly it's hard to say anything. I choke up with my light tears.

"Ugh, sorry"I wipe it with the end of my sleeve. Gosh, this is embarrassing.

"You can cry. You are human, especially a girl. I don't want to say this, but he did against your will. And in the end, you are scared. Don't need to say sorry for me"I know, but maybe it's my fault until he acts like that.

"Maybe I am too easy. I mean-"

"Who said that?"I widened my eyes when Futaba said it while looking at me with firm eyes.

"But like Yuichii said, I provoke him. My words"

"Hmm. You just give him an advice. But it's right, you can't forbid someone to like you. Include him too and -"He stopped and looked away.

"What is that?"He let out a big sigh for my question.

"Let's pause this. You don't seem ready to hear anything"Maybe his feelings. It's a good choice, I'm not in a good mood to discuss that.

"I think it's clear now, that boy likes you. I mean Yuichii. I told it by his other friends. They said he is lazy and just playing around here. His motive is clear. You don't know it?" I'm not clueless.

"I heard from Siri and she told me too. But I never expected he would do that while many people in the hall. I am scared people will notice us. Thank you for pulling me away from him"He looked at me in silence. What's wrong again? That's the question at the end of my tongue, but I can't say it.

"You likes him?"

"No. I am already telling him, but -"

"Then, stop blaming yourself. You want me to hit him?"

"No. Don't need"He stared at me again for some moment.

"I think I get it now. Your personality is hate to make attention go to you. You have low confidence issue too. Never expected anything, acts ordinary. But in the end, they drawn to you and you are in panic"Somehow his guess is right. Adult people are different. They can guess 'people' personality well. Maybe that's the cause of them already passing my age?

"It's not wrong to have that trait"

"Not wrong. But it's make you less aware"I pouted. Then, what do you expect me to do? I grunt inside.

"You need to be aware, Maika. You had many persona"I laugh a bit while covering my mouth. I peek at Futaba again and he doesn't even give me a response for that.

"Ah, sorry. I think it's a bit too much"He frowned. I said wrong things again?

"Don't blame me. I am not pretty, not smart enough, I am like a weak one. Who will be seriously liked me"

"You can count me"Both of us caught each other eyes. His gaze seems firm.

"It's just playing"He let out a big sigh again.

"Wanna prove? Yuichii must say words like this"I am gulped. He's right. But I think they are sincerely just playing.

"I don't get it. We have many pretty juniors. Why?"

"It's not about that. It's you who feels it'll never happen in the first place"Ah, it's my fault? But what do they see on me? I don't have anything to offer at them.

"You are pretty, Maika. It's just you who deny that. Maybe not the best, but together with you give comfortable feelings. Ah, maybe we can call you cute"Ugh, that's the most unbearable word I've ever heard. It's not a scam?

"So, how with the guys you liked?"Futaba seems bit not comcerned when asking that. Makes me hesitate to say a word about it.

"Confusing"

"How?"He seems a bit cheerful when asks that now. Huh? Why does he act like this?

"Hmm. Yeah, it's not me in the first place. So, I need to be patient"

"Until when?"Ugh, it's not like I can assume it now. But didn't he say I need to play along?  Eventough it hurts. I get caught in my sorrowful feelings in another night at the library. It's give me an uneasy feeling if that memory comes to me again.

"I don't know. But you said I need to play along with him. Just enjoy the moment with him? You said that, right?"He looked away from me after getting excited before.

"I said that?"Huh? Is he an 'easy to forget things' person?

"You did"

"Are you hurt?"I am in sudden silence. Can't say anything for that.

"It's the risk"

"That's why I ask, until when? Are you sure you can bear it for any longer?"He gave me a deep stare.

"But -"

"The problem is, what if you have big hopes for it? Playing and enjoying the moment means you and him really take it light. Don't have a goal. The problem with that is if one of you falls too hard for others. It's horrible feelings. You can keep up with that?"

"Bu-but he seems to want to be with me. I consider that as -"

"Then, can you consider me too?"Huh? I widened my eyes. This again? Don't play with me?

"Excuse me. I know you are playing"

"I'm serious. But if I follow my nature as a man to prove it to you, I will be the same as Yuichii. And it's going to give you a bad experience again. You trembled when he suddenly did that. I'm scared the memory of me at you, being harsh on you would stay in your memory. But I mean it, I like you"I have the intuition. But it's like I can't believe it. Uh, why does it have to be me?

"I can be follow your flow. I mean, it's okay for me, if you treat me like how that guy you like treats you"

"It's harsh. I don't want"

"It's okay. As long as I am on your list. Like now, when that brat attacks you. I can be the person you can count on protecting you. It's enough for me"This again. I don't want to do this to others. But like how Suguru always comes to me, I can't avoid him. I'm always thought, he has a bit of similarity with Hirata. Seems it's just a little.

"I thought you are the same as him. Just enjoy the moment?"He sighed.

"I will tell you the truth about that word. It's right you can assume he has some feelings for you. But he doesn't want to bet. Men who can't bet on the girl, means he is not serious about her. You can play and stay for exhilarating feelings, but until when? That's why I say you can bear it or not? The problem is even you deny it, in the end you have strong feelings for him. You will bet everything for the moment as long as you can get with him. But can you see the end of that circle?"I bite my lips. Futaba gave me a deep and pitiful stare. His words made me silent. I can't deny his words at all.