I see Hirata scribble his note for chemistry problem had before. But my eyes focused on his face. Glance back and forth between his face and note, scared he will catch me.
"So, what do you think?"And our eyes meet. Damn, he got me!
"Um"I open my book randomly, check where he got his results.
"Not that part"I glance at his face again. Uh, I need to stop but it's hard.
"This part. Got that?"I widened my eyes and looked away at the book. Ah, that page. I match the material and his answer, seems it's made sense now.
"You are right"When I look at him, he smiles back at me. Make me hysteris inside.
"We-we need to move for another problem"I am already bookmarking some problem with the same model like my failed point at exam.
"This one"But once again, I caught him stare at me, made me surprised. It's not just me? What the hell is this? I am feeling happy with that assumption.
"Let's see how you solve that"Me? I look back and forth again between my problem and textbook. Trying to solve it.
"What if we use this formula?"We caught each other's eyes again. Huh? It's not just my thought, right? But if I say that, is it categorized as narcissistic?
"Hm. It's stuck"I can't find the relative between things in the book and the problem to solve.
"Why don't try this solution instead?"He moved closer to me. He has his material book, right? Not just that, his little finger touched my hand many times. Is it unintentionally? It's must be like that. It's better to feel neutral towards his moves. I bite my lips, warn my self.
"Hm, seems it's worked. You know chemist more than I expected"I gave him a surprised gaze.
"I joined the Olympiad for Chemistry in the past. Even another school in middle high school doesn't try it yet. Our school already did it. We compete with high school students too"Woah, it's amazing!
"How the result?"He looks at me and gives a smile.
"Of course we lost"I exclaim 'ah' in disappointment tone.
"If I think again, you like to hear my story. I wonder why? Maybe considering that? I feel there is something lost"Hirata talk while back trying to match his another problem from the book.
"Sakura didn't do it?"I am so curious with the answer.
"You want her to do it?"Huh? What to do with that question?
"Hm, dunno. Its you who evaluates everything here. Not me"I peeked many times at him, waiting for his answer.
"Hm, it's a secret. For what happened between me and her. Like I said, lets just enjoy our time"I forced my self to smile. It's not a pleasant answer at all. Even if he said Sakura and him did more intense than with me, I prefer that than a secret.
"How about we learn Physics? You got many right answer"He knows? I ask with widened my eyes
"I know. Our friend told me"He is right. Surprisingly, I got 97 points, but our highest point is 98 points and it's from boys. Even Fifi just get 95 for it.
"If you ask me, I would try to make you understand"He looked at me in amazement.
"You are cool, Maika. I don't understand why -"He stopped. What? I wait patiently, but he prefer to open his book and show it to me.
"Teach me this"I see it carefully. Ah, I know how to solve this, so I scribbled at my note. I feel bit tense as result of he stare at me. Somehow, I feel he did as same as at my face too.
"Understand?"I caught he stare at me again. And he doesn't even look away, so it's me who did it.
"You get it?"My voice weakens at the end. Don't know how to react to it.
"A bit. Teach me this too"I saw he pointed at one problem after opening the page. Does he even pay attention?
"Excuse me, but I ask you. Are you getting it or not"We caught each other's eyes again. See? He stares at me! Its not just my imagination!
"I think I get it. I pay attention"He answered it calmly. Somehow, I want to know the reason why he needs to stare at me. I know it's so narcissistic, but I want to know if our feelings are mutual. This is starting to confuse me!
"You don't seem to care with it. Where are you looking at?"Uh, this is embarrassing! I seriously want to run now.
"Ah, it's"I can feel my heart bumping, but then his phone keeps vibrating. I can see Sakura name at the screen. Ah, I look back at my book. It's her. What will happen now? He must go, doesn't he? He stands up and picks up the phone while turning his back from me.
"Oh, okay. I get it"I can still hear his voice.
"Maika, sorry. I need to go"I nodded while giving him a forced smile. See?
"She is like a curse for him. He can't escape from her"I murmured alone when he walked out to the library door in a rush, without even bringing his book.
I look around the library and some people are still learning now. There are groups or even people learning alone. It's okay, it's not just me, who studies alone here. After all, it's my intention.
And I start open my chemistry book, scribble it. But suddenly gloomy feelings suddenly came to me. I planned to study alone too at first. Studying with him was never in my plan. But get abandoned when he insists on joining, makes me feel empty. So, this is the feeling when you become a second choice. I know it well, I even experienced it on our field trip. But why it's still hurt, why I can't get used to it!
I scribbled again while pouting, held my tears, then sighed. NO! I am already promising my self to become a stronger person who was not swaying too much with my feelings.
But it doesn't seem easy. Just after he gave me butterfly, a few minutes later he throw me down, to learn my place. Is it need I bet or not? I don't understand anymore.... Doesn't this sure a loss for me?
YOU ARE READING
30 Year Old Lady Daily Life
RomanceMaika turn out 30 years old this year. Not special, she still same. Not had boyfriend since she was born, had small circle of friends, or maybe not? Plus she has not interesting character though. At the day of her birthday, she wake up with not spec...
