30 Year Old Lady Daily Life

Part 62

I sighed while walking alone to our dorm. We've already finished eating at the dinning room, but I don't feel full at all. Food can't be digested well after my talk with Fifi.

I open the door and Siri is already on our room. She looks at me.

"What's wrong with your face?"I look away

"Nah, I'm good"

"I wonder if you want to share your burden with me. I see you get disappear when Yuichii ask you to talk? And then, you never come back at the hall. I wonder, what happen? Fifi disappeared from our meeting too. Does she talks to you?"I get silent. So, she pays attention. I look at her, maybe it's not a bad idea to talk with her.

"You have time?"

"Always? Want to talk at dry clothes place?"I pushed my smile.

"Sounds good"

-------------------------------------------------------

"So?"I take a glance at Siri. Where I need to start this complicated situation.

"I talk with Yuichii and Futaba too at the first"

"HAH? Senior Futaba too?"Siri screamed at me and I nodded for it.

"What's he's saying?"

"Well, Yuichii apologize to me. While senior Futaba"I take a deep breathe. Suddenly I felt sour.

"He says he likes you, right?"

"Something like that. I feel heavy, for sure"

"Hmm. That's got to be hard. You advised him to stop chasing you?"

"Something like that"My voice gets weaker at the end. I don't know how to deal with him. I don't want to hurt anyone. Moreover, I don't have a special trait to make them drawn to me.

"Men are somehow hard to convince. They are stubborn. Why don't you just accept it?"This advice again. Somehow this one doesn't resonate well with me.

"But maybe there is another girl who likes them. They could have another wonderful life with them. I don't want to end up hurting people"I looked down. This is making me depressed. I feel gloomy right now.

"It's their decision, Maika"

"Someone like Fifi can be hurt because of me. She is struggle by it"I can feel Siri have deep thoughts as she keeps silent for a mere moment.

"Did she talk about Suguru?"

"She is. Her words make me can't digest my food well. I feel I got stomachache"I touch my stomach. I can feel some gas in it. I feel still hungry too, but doesn't feel like eating anything.

"She asks you to leave Suguru?"I shakes my head. Not with bold words like that. But the hidden motive, maybe yes.

"You don't ask him to always be with you. It's him who choose you"I don't know why, but I still feel Siri's words are still wrong. I ask myself, what if it's me who gives him hope? What to do with this? I bent my knee and put my head there, hide it.

"Are you okay?"I can feel worry in her voice.

"No. I want them to leave me alone. Suguru or senior Futaba"

"Just them? What about Hirata? You want him to stay? You know he's playing with you, right?"Yeah, he is.

"At least, it's just me who gets hurt here. But now, I make these two suffering with hope and a broken heart"I put my face on my knees again. This is frustrating.

"You feel it's okay if you're hurt, and you don't want to let both of them give you a happiness. Maika, aren't you harsh to yourself?"I feel my eyes warm again. I don't know why am I being like this.

"Seek for your happiness first, Maika. Be egoistic for yourself"I hug my knees. I am already in tears.

"But if I am being egoistic and accept their hands when I'm still looking at another man, doesn't it look as I play with their heart?"I can hear Siri sighing beside me.

"Don't you want to be loved by someone? Happiness can happen from that too"Ugh, I don't know. This is confusing. Siri's words make me cry without sound.

"Can't you leave Hirata? He doesn't like you, right?"

"He said he likes me. But he has many reasons not to make me his priority. He wants another girl too"

"Then, leave him! There are two men chasing you now. Give them an opportunity!"Is it a right choice?

"But I can't let go Hirata right now. He still says he likes me. I still have hope, even it's just a little of it"Siri got silent. I can hear her sigh again.

"You get hurt by liking Hirata. You feel guilty when both of them like you with all of their hearts. You seem thinking about another girl who might like them too. You're too kind, Maika! If it were me, I would be egoistic and let them prove it to me. Let all of the men who want to chase me change my heart. I want to know if I can move on or not"

"That's what you would do if you're at my place?"

"Of course. I don't want to feel suffocated by anything. Well, it's me, not you. To be honest, I don't understand why you must feel gloomy by it"Well, I know both of them like me. They're kind too. That's why it's hard to see them hurt by knowing I like other men.

"Fifi says to me not to hurt Suguru while crying. She likes Suguru with all of her heart"

"Not just as her fan?"I think like that too. But I'm wrong. I mean, there are wonderful women who like Suguru right now. He can be happy with it, but he chooses to suffer by liking me. I don't feel good with that fact.

"No. She likes him. Maybe she's annoyed cause she knew I welcomed another guy as well. She knew I liked Hirata too. Don't you feel hurt when you know the guys you like so much are treated like a clowns by other girls? Maybe that's how she felt when she saw me"I gulped. I still remember how Fifi even said she talked badly about me in front of Suguru as she was desperate to make him stop chasing me.

"It's not your fault"I look at Siri while still hugging my knee. I wipe my tears and give her a faint smile.

"I need to talk with Suguru about this. I want him to stop"

"Don't you think it's useless?"I looked down when Siri said that.

"I need to try it, Siri. I don't want him to hurt"

"Hhhhh, sometimes it's better to let people love you, Maika. Suguru is a kind guy and he seems love you so much"I know. But I still can't give him the same feelings. It's scary to let him around me while I can't guarantee my feelings for him.

"Because he is a kind guy. He deserves happiness, not a suffering"Siri let out a sigh again when I'm saying that.