Elliot and Julia have a complicated relationship. Since they met in the seventh grade, the only heart-to-heart conversations they've had have been strictly over text. But they don't mind this lack of intimacy. If anything, they enjoy it.
Don't thi...
I had been talking to one of Eli's professors, I couldn't find Eli anywhere, when it happened. I was right there when I saw Eli coming out of the coat closet with that girl. There was no doubt in my mind about what they had been doing. Her hair was a mess and she was tugging her dress down and he was fixing the buttons on his shirt and running his fingers through his hair. He had sex hair. The bastard couldn't even clean up before he came out.
As soon as I saw him I knew I had to get the hell out of there. There was no way I could face him now, not after what he had done. His professor helped me get a cab and I went back to my apartment to hide. I bitterly assumed that Eli wouldn't even notice that I left and he would leave me alone but I knew that wasn't true. He did show up and he was at my apartment within fifteen minutes after I got there and wouldn't stop banging on my door and asking me to let him in already.
There was no way I could let him in. If I did let him in I would let him explain himself and if I let him do that, I would forgive him. I knew there was no way I could do that. But I couldn't drag myself away from the door either. I had been crying the entire time and now I was crying, still in my dress, and sitting on the ground by my door listening to Eli yell at me. It would be better if he just went away or something but I knew he wasn't going to get scared off easily. I just had to wait him out.
But before he left he said a lot of things. So many things that I didn't really know what to do with. What did I have to say to someone who stood outside my door and told me he loved me?
When he finally did leave I sat there for a long time. I had told him the truth when I said that I needed time to think it over but I knew he was right too when he said I might never be ready if he just left. There was no way I could be sure if I would only need a night or a few days or even a few weeks. All I knew was that I needed some space. If I didn't have that, there was definitely no way Eli and I could ever move past this.
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"Julie?"
".."
"Come on, open up."
"Go away."
"Please?"
"..."
"You left your flowers."
"Just leave, Eli."
"I don't want to leave things like this."
"You should have thought of that before."
"Please just open the door. Let me explain. You know that I wouldn't do this to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, ever."
"..."
"Julie?"
"Please, just go."
"Jules, if you let me in I'll explain. If you let me in this will all be okay."
"No, it won't. Don't you dare tell me it will be."
"Just give me a shot."
"I've given you a thousand shots. Second chance after second chance and explanation after explanation. Why do I have to keep forgiving you, Eli? Why do I always feel like the one that's giving everything? I never get anything in return."
"Don't say that. You have given so much to me and I know I haven't always done the same but don't doubt that I care about you. If you let me in you will never feel that way again."
"Don't make promises you can't keep."
"You're right, I can never make you not feel that way all the time. But I can help as much as I can. Let me show you."
"What if what you can do is not enough?"
"It will be enough."
"I can't do this now. Give me some time and we'll talk about it."
"Now who's making promises they can't keep."
"..."
"Julia Nichols, open the door."
"..."
"Jules, please."
"..."
"Sweet pea?"
"Don't call me that. Just let me have some space."
"After we talk you can have all the space you want."
"What does it matter if we talk about it now or in a couple of hours so we can both think things over?"
"Because we won't talk about it tomorrow! You needing the night to think it over turns into a few days and turns into a few weeks and then a few months and then years have gone by and we still aren't okay or speaking. I can't let that happen to us."
"Don't make me the bad guy. You're the one who did this."
"You're being ridiculous. Sure, I hooked up with that girl. But we were together, were we an item? There's no rule against that."
"You know full well why I'm upset. I know I didn't imagine what was going on between us. You have no right to whore around and then say that we were never really together. Fuck you for trying."
"You're right. You're always right, Julie. Without you, everything I do is wrong. If I could have you make all my decisions I would."
"..."
"Please don't walk away from this. We can do whatever you want, we can be whatever you want."
"..."
"Everyone else in my life is disposable. Every. Single. Person. Except for you. You're the person I can't survive without. I might as well give up if you're not around."
"..."
"Jules."
"..."
"Julie."
"..."
"I love you. I'm in love with you, Julie."
"I don't believe you."
"I don't believe that."
"..."
"Fine, if you want to feel that way there's nothing I can do. I've learned at least that much about you."
