My Letters to God.

Letter 59

I am so weak I swear. So I prayed not that long ago God to help me on the fast and that I will be ending it Monday but then my dad went to go get Doritos and I said yes. -_- I'm sorry Lord. So I guess I will be ending it today but I still want to go to the service on tuesday because I love it. Vanessa and her husband explained a lot and got me to pray out loud. While they were praying about their own families and lives I started tearing up. I thought the tears were over but you are greater than everything Lord so touching my heart will never cease and I like it. It's emotion I felt. Lately I've been confused about my emotions Lord. Sometimes I find myself completely blank but then I get upset and guilty for feeling nothing or something. Not indifferent yet no moved by things I guess I should put it. It gives me chills sometimes because I feel like that at times to you and I don't want to feel that way. I miss crying to you. As strange as it sounds I miss crying while I prayed or typed to you Lord. I miss it and yet I don't. Is this lukewarm??? Am I being lukewarm????? Please don't let it be like that. I will be ending my fast today Lord but I pray for forgiveness if I've cheated over the fast because I did eat chocolate with my milkshake the other day and then today I ate a banana. Sine the beginning of the month I fasted flour and sugar (with some minor slips) so I don't know if that did that right...but this week was liquid fasting Lord. I pray you accept this and that next month when I fast again that you keep me stronger and learn even more. I also want to thank you for everything you did since before I was born. Always looking out for me and when I feel so lost in a maze showing me through others and works to trust in you and look towards you. Thank you for taking away the depression I dealt with for so long and for the friends I received that have stuck by me through some serious stuff. Thank you for my family and all the support and love they put in me to follow you. Help me make our connection deeper and not be afraid to do what is right. I pray that no matter what I choose for a career that I place you in the center of my world and life and everything. I pray that I do diligently and with my whole heart in it but my everything belonging to you foremost of all. Thank you God for my life and showing never ending mercy on me and my family. For taking my good side and my bad side and making a beautiful painting out of it. My portrait isn't done Lord I know this but I also know you will make it shine. Thank you God! My father of Heaven and earth. Please help me walk with you more. Amen. Thank you for everything Jesus! 

Candy.