My Letters to God.

Letter 72

My brain is clear and my heart is still. It beats but there's no pain like there use to be. I feel but it doesn't get to me like before. I fear but it's not the type of fear that made me feel crazy. It's like everything in me is in harmony Lord and not dead yet I do not know what to talk to you about but I want to talk. Just talk. Sometimes I wish to hear you straight out. Like how Moses and you would talk face to face. Converse and hear your wisdom through your lips like listening to my grandma when I was little. Sometimes I like to imagine what Heaven will be like. How it would be cool to take naps with my family. I've come to learn I have trouble sleeping alone every night and feel better with family around. Makes it less lonely or perhaps it's because I've just grown use to it. Being alone is good too but not constantly. I'm not complaining for I am not alone. You are with me Jesus and you also gave me my family to be with me so I'm content. I do get lonely though but I'm learning to not let it get to me. Those emotions will pass and you will bring me joy again! I had a dream today God and it was all over the place but I do remember one thing close to the end. It had yaoi in it. I feel bad for having that because I've gotten past that (or at least I thought) but what more I feel bad because I do not fear having that dream. It's wrong and there's nothing wrong with my feelings but I didn't fear that dream, having a dream like that because...I don't quite understand myself. I didn't want dreams like that, heck I don't even want anything to do with yaoi no more but I don't fear. It feels wrong because it feels like I'm not taking you serious Lord but I am! Forgive me Lord if I am wrong for this and thank you for washing it all away and staying with me. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for washing me with your blood to clear me of my sins. For giving me your peace when all I ever gave you was sadness. I want to see you Lord. I would love to talk to you face to face. Thank you for leaving me your bible to converse with you and giving me access to the Father with my prayers. For showing me the way to put you in everything I do and where to walk when there's so many paths in my way. For giving me so many reasons to smile even when everyone around me becomes depressing. Thank you for being my strength when all of mine is gone and keeping me from falling off the edge. I look forward to learning more and fighting this unbelief and enemy that attacks me because it means getting closer to you. Thank you for giving me sight and pushing me to you. Thank you my God, my Lord, and my Savior. Amen.

Candy.