My Letters to God.

Letter 76

Three days I've cried out Lord, Three days these attacks beat me all over the floor and room. Three days I've prayed for help and today Lord...today you answered me:) It's not easy Lord and to confess to you and me both...I began feeling doubtful, impatient, scared, alone, crazier, abandoned and stupid; hurt and sick to my stomach...all while smiling on the outside and saying everything will be fine. I tried so hard not to doubt Lord and I am glad I prayed for strength and courage because you never cease to give me rest when I need it. At one point I guess I was mad (FORGIVE ME!) but now I'm just glad. This is teaching me a lot! It reaffirmed that I am YOUR child GOD and not Satan's child! It taught me that pride is never good. I have to break instead of trying to look perfect in front of everyone. Instead of trying to be the strength for others all the time, the comfort and rock, I should let others be the comfort and encourage me. Pride leads to falling away because I thought I can stay strong all by myself. I would tell myself "God is with me. He gives me strength." Which is true but I overlooked your ways. You gave me a family, the church, and other believers for a reason. To keep me strong and give me prime examples of your ways. I thought if I read my bible in a schedule and kept to it then I would be fine because Jesus is our prime example right? Others reflect Him, reflect YOU too but I didn't see that until today. You bring people in our lives to build us whether they break us or not. You bring goodness always! Thank you Lord! Lord God Almighty for answering and always being so good to me! Forgive me Lord for overlooking your gift of fellowship and family. Forgive me for hardening my heart to that and giving a foothold to the devil and his attacks. I ask Lord that you continue being my God and teach me more about family and fellowship. Help me to confess with my lips and heart to you and others Lord no matter how much I want to hide my shame and hate. Please don't let me fall away but give me the strength to press on and Lord and keep going towards you. Help me to speak, scream if that's what it takes! I've been struggling with doubt too Lord. So much doubt about You and Your Son. Forgive me! You are real! YOU EXIST because nothing! NOTHING WOULD BE ABLE TO TOUCH MY HEART LIKE THIS AND KEEP ME GOING YAWEH! The devil is a vicious fighter Lord and shamefully I tend to focus on his attacks more than you God. Jesus. I am Your child and I know it because You tell me so and the moment I started growing closer to You God-the devil attacked. Jesus, thank You for all You've done and forgive me for my wrongdoings and jealousy I felt towards you. You're just so perfect and awesome! I tend to forget a lot that you struggled everything I am struggling with. I tend to forget once You were a child too when God sent you down to save us. I forget so much that You suffered all we are suffering much more than us. You understand us Lord Jesus, understand me, and I got jealous for that. I am sorry! You pressed on still though. Jesus, You pressed on and I know you will give me strength to press on too and bare this cross I chose to bare. You will not let me down...you never do even when I shamefully let you down. I love you Jesus. God. Holy Spirit. Thank you.

candy.