My Letters to God.

Letter 69

Lord, thank you for this day. Things took a different route than what I expected. I know I need to make things right with those I pushed away and those I turned away from. Today was a start no matter how small, you gave me this day and opportunity to take that small step. I wanted to have a conversation with my aunt since I never talked to her. We just never had that connection. Maybe once when I was young but all I recall is being hit by her because I was bad. She was the disciplinary parent to me and my uncle lol. But I never had any real conversation with her and the last time I remembered any serious conversation with her was her trying to get me to open up and talk to her. I pushed her away though and I remember she cried. Silence hurts Lord. That is what I've come to understand. The things we keep in us hurts others, not just ourselves. Today I planned on talking to her and maybe, hopefully opening up but in the end I guess you had different plans and what marvelous plans there was. I ended up stuck in the house with my uncle and he's very intimidating for me to talk to. I never talk to him. Like he can talk and analyse me but I never could bring myself to talk to him and definitely never bring myself to share my thoughts or even open up to him! All my fault but today was a great start Lord. With your strength we actually managed to hold some sort of conversation. Danced over subjects randomly and depression (we were talking about the movie inside out) but I know more about him than I ever have before and I pretty dang positive he knows more about me than I ever let show. I learned that he battled depression too once. Felt alone and misunderstood by those he called family too. He took that pain and suppressed it because...well I don't know why. I can come with theories but I guess he's the one that will have the answers since it's his emotions but I learned he thinks suppressing sadness is good depending how to take it. I believe and have come to learn that suppressing sadness does nothing but damages us. We need to grieve. cry. We need to let those tears out in order to move on and accept the joy. In order to heal we must first break apart. It was an interesting talk but in the end we both agreed that the movie Inside Out was a great one and funny at that. Made me cry when Bingbong died. So sad but the ending was awesome. I cried for that too. I love when a story touches the heart. Makes me feel. Moves the soul I guess I should say. Something that would always touch me no matter how much I watch it. The iron giant is another movie that makes me cry. I also come to realize I am a crier...I don't like crying in front of others but I do tend to cry a lot lately...I feel better though after it and praying to you just takes away all the pain inside. It's great. Well today was productive and I finally went outside. Man did that sun burn!!!! My eyes are super sensitive but it's my fault because I don't sleep when I should, like now, and I don't go outside much. I'm a hermit apparently but Lord thank you for giving me the strength for today and continue to guide me my God. I am yours. Jesus thank you!

Candy.