My Letters to God.

Letter 64

I wish my mind wasn't so stupid Lord. I wish somehow I can bag up all these thoughts and worries and throw them out the window but every time I seem to do so they find someway back into my house. Garbage I always find myself trying to scrub off of me. So I did it Lord. God, I posted the first chapter of the fanfiction for Hetalia. I remember saying I didn't want to fall back on the yaoi or get consumed by fanfiction anymore but I did want to glorify you using my writing. Putting you in my stories be it fanfiction or not. No, it's not the glee one I was talking about but it is Hetalia. I don't feel right not talking to you about it. I prayed to you about it but I don't feel right not writing to you about it God. I've been struggling with writing it...or much rather if I should write it. I guess I feel like I'm betraying you by going back into fanfiction. It's not yaoi but it did distract me so much in the past and I was like an addict with it. I guess I'm afraid of that happening again and then ignoring you and focusing on what others want instead of glorifying you like I want to. I mean that's the reason I wanted out of it and turned it away. I realized just how soul killing it was for me but I guess...I don't know. I miss writing fanfiction (and reading) but not like before where it was vulgar and disgusting. I guess I want good to come out of it. Turn it around and spread you with others even if it's a lot with something I like. I love you and forgive me if it's wrong Lord but I want to share you with my likes too like anime and stories. I know you won't lead me wrong if it's your will but I just pray Lord for a spiritual renewal and that YOU are the one working through me and these stories. Not me. I pray I'll hang tight to you Lord, My Abbi Father and not do it for the world. If my motivation is twisted then convict me Lord lead me back to the right path but please Lord, please...Let it touch others. Bring them closer to you. Not me. not me...