I missed talking to you Lord from my heart. When people tell me to pray about what I want and for others I get stumped. I don't know why God but I do because when I think about the desires of my heart I find I want nothing. Just to be close to you. I have no future that I see yet and when I look around others seem to have it more together than I do. When I think of others I just want to treat them right and not wrong. I want to learn how to love and others to be safe and rest well. That no matter what they are going through they are doing better than me. Sometimes it's frustrating because I feel that I am just praying...my heart is half in it and I don't want to be that person. Half in and half out. Praying yet distracted. I missed praying from my heart Lord. Just not thinking and talking to you about what's on my heart and mind. Sharing with you...I let my mind do the talking more than my heart lately. Funny how this is a constant cycle going on with me...I miss saying what's on my heart and crying. Crying to you and letting you wash the pain away inside. I guess I have a nasty habit of ignoring my feelings. Watching youtube, movies, and even just daydream and staying up late at night...perhaps it's all because I try to ignore what I really feel on the inside. Distractions, distractions...So much that I think I'm fine because I feel it when really deep inside I'm in pain. I have the defense mechanism of smiling when on the inside I'm a jumble of emotions all screaming and tearing at me to be heard but I guess I did this damage to myself. I ignored it all that it became hard for me to know exactly how I feel. I'm a mess God. Yesterday though...it came out. It felt rejuvenating to talk to you, peaceful and clear. I feel that I rested well. When I just stopped thinking and prayed from my heart I didn't feel limited, didn't feel like I was confined to certain things. Like once again I was able to pour my heart out to you. Usually I write my heart out but it felt relieving to let the words flow out of my lips and just cry to you. It's always going to be a battle with me Lord and I am sorry for that, holding everything in when I should let it out, but I thank you for never leaving me and bringing me to my knees when needed the most. Thank you my God and please...help me open my mouth and pour my heart out to you more often. Help me be patient and you continue to mold me little by little. In Jesus name: Amen.
Candy.
YOU ARE READING
My Letters to God.
Spiritual"I feel like I'm going in circles. Like I'm stuck in a cycle and I can't seem to claw my way out of. It's feels like when I found my religion again I started grieving. Like all the things I've ever held in and ignored through others things are final...
